What Happens When You Win a Cooking Show That Nobody Can Watch?

Well, this must thoroughly suck:

When The Great British Baking Show arrived on Netflix last week, the show’s legions of American fans rejoiced. There would be more perfect sponge, more perfect Britishisms, and more of Paul Hollywood’s perfectly gelled hair. It’s a show that basically everyone loves for its big heart and docile vibes, but when Vallery Lomas saw the news, she says she felt a pang of sadness.

The show’s American return was an unintentional reminder that, a year ago, she had been in the famous tent herself, where she was named the winner of the third season of The Great American Baking Show, the franchise’s American spinoff. She returned home to New York, unable to tell even her closest friends that she was poised to become a breakout baking star. She’d have to keep her secret until the finale aired, which never happened. After one of the show’s judges, pastry chef Johnny Iuzzini, was accused of sexual harassment and abuse by multiple women, The Great American Baking Show was unceremoniously canceled by ABC, along with Lomas’s shot at fame. Now, nine months later in her Harlem apartment, she’s working to gain back the recognition that she should already have.

At least she got prize money for winning the competition:

The show wouldn’t offer a cash prize, but victory would mean exposure and plenty of opportunities to grow her own personal baking brand. After an audition in L.A., Lomas was in.

Mr. Autumn Man Walking Down Street With Cup Of Coffee, Wearing Sweater Over Plaid Collared Shirt

There is nothing funny about this Onion article. Not at all. (I HATE THEM FOR BEING RIGHT!)

BOSTON—The twigs and acorns crunching pleasurably beneath his boots, Mr. Autumn Man Dennis Clemons, 32, reportedly strolled down Massachusetts Avenue on Wednesday wearing a gray sweater over a plaid collared shirt as he cradled a cup of pumpkin-spiced coffee and relished the crisp October morning.

“Nothing beats autumn in New England,” said His Excellency, the Duke of Fall, who began the day swaddled in a warm flannel blanket, gazing out the window at the golden-hued landscape, as is his custom this time of year. “Everywhere the leaves are changing and the temperature is starting to drop off. You can smell it in the air.”

“Tonight it may even dip into the 30s,” added the cozy autumnal personage, who at several points wrapped both hands around his warm container of coffee and inhaled deeply. “Perfect weather for building a fire.”

Mr. Fall, who sources speculate loves Thanksgiving, butternut squash soup, homecoming parades, “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow,” apple-picking, and haunted hayrides, emerges reliably every year around this time in his traditional uniform, sometimes alternating his iconic sweater with a fleece vest or pullover.

Hurricane Florence is rapidly intensifying and poses extreme threat to Southeast and Mid-Atlantic

I hope everyone in the storm is preparing for this one.

Hurricane Florence is tracking toward the East Coast with inevitability rarely seen in storms several days away from landfall. While forecasters were careful to cite “high uncertainty” in recent days, their tone changed after watching the storm’s eventual path barely shift from what they had considered to be a worst-case scenario.

Monday morning, as the storm rapidly gained strength, the National Hurricane Center was forecasting Florence to become a strong Category 4 storm before making landfall along the Southeast or Mid-Atlantic coast on Thursday.

Computer model forecasts generally project the storm to make landfall between northern South Carolina and the North Carolina Outer Banks, although shifts in the track are still possible and storm impacts will expand great distances beyond where landfall occurs.

Stay safe if you’re in this area.