The Monster Raving Loony Party

From the Metro:

Cameron – who comfortably won his seat of Witney with almost 34,000 votes – was stood next to Monster Raving Loony William Hill Party candidate Alan Hope (also known as Howling “Laud” Hope) at the declaration.

And while he must have been concerned by the prospects of the Conservatives failing to win an overall majority, Cameron raised a smile as he awkwardly shook hands with Hope.

Hope wasn’t the only unusual candidate running against Cameron – aslo standing was self-styled ‘comedy terrorist’ Aaron Barschak, who briefly gained notoriety in 2003 for gatecrashing Prince William’s birthday party dressed as Osama bin Laden.

They certainly have an admirable platform despite their party’s name:

* Refusing to sign up to the euro, but inviting the rest of Europe to join the £ pound
* Drivers can go straight over a roundabout when there’s no traffic coming “to make driving through Milton Keynes more fun”
* Traffic cops “too stupid” for normal police work to be retrained as vicars
* Withdrawal of MPs’ £118,000 expenses allowance, and the money “in future be distributed to the poor and needy so that they can waste it instead”
* Any MP whose constituency sells off a school playing field for development will be required to relinquish their own back garden as a replacement sports facility for the school
* All motorways to become massive cycle tracks instead
* All speed cameras will be abolished and replaced by a new device fitted to cars which will automatically slow down to the speed limit when driven though an infra-red beam
* The introduction of a 99p coin to “save on change”
* Banning semi-colons; no-one knows how to use them
* Banning vaccinations, to be replaced by nurses with shot guns to hide around playgrounds