Florida Vampire to Run for President

So far he’s the most sane GOP candidate:

TAMPA, Florida – Not satisfied with living in Florida, Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey wants to move to Washington, D.C. to become the nation’s first vampire president.

Sharkey, 45, spent Friday on a Greyhound bus with his new fiancee, Audrianna Foster, a 19-year-old girl from Ohio he met online. She too believes she is a vampire, or vampyre.

“I haven’t dated a girl older than 19 since 2006,” said the Tampa man as his 19-year-old daughter and his 2-year-old grandson met him at the Greyhound station. “It’s good to be me.”

“The Impaler” claims he’s a direct descendent of Vlad II the Impaler, better known as Dracula.

He has scheduled a Monday press conference in Tampa to announce his plans to file paperwork to run for President of the United States in 2012. He recently switched his party affiliation from Independent to Republican so he can run with the G.O.P.

Man Arrested for Tattooing 1-Year-Old

Today in WTF:

LOUISVILLE, Ohio – A Stark County man is facing a felony child endangering charge for allegedly tattooing a 1-year-old girl, Fox 8 News reports.

Lee Deitrick, 20, is accused of putting the non-removable tattoo on the child’s backside while she was visiting his house with a female relative in November. Deitrick is not the girl’s father.

Louisville Police Chief Andy Turowski tells Fox 8 News that Deitrick was taken to the Stark County Jail under a probation hold. If he’s convicted for the third-degree felony, he could get up to five years behind bars.

Question of the Day

How many clocks do you have in the house (include everything that tells the time) and which ones did you have to change for daylight savings.

Let’s see. I have:
1. One in the living room (had to change)
2. One in the dining room (had to change)
3. Three in the kitchen (microwave, stove, coffeemaker, had to change them all)
4. One in the den (had to change)
5. Three computers in the den (didn’t have to change any)
6. Alarm clock in the bedroom (didn’t have to change) plus my iPhone and iPod (didn’t have to change of course.)

Twelve clocks or devices with clocks and I had to change half of them.