Spent most of the weekend at Ikea and had a few observations.

  • Be very mindful of the people around you who are entering the store at the same time you are. These are your Ikeapanions. They’ll be around you for the next hour so you’d better like them. You’ll go through some sections faster than others and they will too which averages out in the long run. Get behind an annoying family who can’t control their kids and you’re in Ikeahell.

  • I get very possessive in the showrooms. I hate when I’m in a living room section and all of a sudden other people go in. It’s like having an unwelcome guest. Am I supposed to give them cheese or something or just stare at them angrily until they get the fuck off my couch.

  • Mmmm. Lingonberry jam.

  • Wait. WTF is a lingonberry?

  • I can afford Ikea lamps but not their lightbulbs. Maybe I can shove a candle in the socket.

  • I love that the model toilets in the showrooms have sticker on them giving directions to the real restrooms. It makes me laugh and afraid to be anywhere around them at the same time.