The Economic Crisis Hits the Markson Family Monopoly Board

From McSweeney’s:

Dear Pamela—

I realize you’re angry at how Friday night’s Monopoly game ended. I’m writing this note to explain why certain things occurred the way they did, and, hopefully, to chip away at the chilly silence that has characterized our relationship the past few days.

Since we haven’t spoken, I’m not aware of your stance on the causes of our dispute. I believe our major issue was the housing crisis, which began with your properties on Ventnor Avenue and Marvin Gardens. But in order to put that in context it’s important that we first discuss the children’s inflationary habits. I realize Bethany is only 6, and you find it cute that she writes “$5,000” in crayon on the backs of the Chance and Community Chest cards when she runs out of funds and uses them to purchase houses, but, if you recall, that is exactly what led to the inflation that crippled our Friday fun.

By allowing our 6-year-old to print her own currency, we’re slashing the value of our real Monopoly dollars. Maybe you don’t think it’s a “big deal” and that I should “relax” because it’s “only a game.” But tell that to people like me and my former co-workers, who are out of jobs now that the U.S. dollar is worth squat.

Holy Church of Bacon

It’s actually more of a wiki than a church. But if I don’t post this now I’ll have this forwarded to me over and over again.

The Holy Church of Bacon [alternatively THCoB, CoB] aims to promote consumption of, and unfaltering love for, the holiest of holy foods: Bacon. We believe Bacon to be more worthy of nourishing the human body than any other food in existence. We abide by the Five Baconic Laws and live our lives in pursuit of the Bacony truth.

(via YesButNoButYes)

Daily Dose of Ingersoll

Science is the real redeemer. It will put honesty above
hypocrisy; mental veracity above all belief. It will teach the
religion of usefulness. It will destroy bigotry in all its forms.
It will put thoughtful doubt above thoughtless faith. It will give
us philosophers, thinkers and savants, instead of priests,
theologians and saints. It will abolish poverty and crime, and
greater, grander, nobler than all else, it will make the whole
world free.

Robert Green Ingersoll – “Superstition” (1898)