I posted a link to Anthony Bourdain ranting about Food Network hosts the other day and two commenters gave their opinions:
ALTON BROWN:Seems like a major jerk. Great show. But I could see him being the type to give you looks if you didnâ€™t handle your wine glass correctly.
EMERIL: Seems like a nice guy, but also seems like Fred Flintstone. That show on ABC was SO godawful. May be the worst show ever made. I think it was ABC.
BOBBY FLAY: Type a guy youâ€™d like to invite over just to punch in the face.
MARIO!: Probably the worst. Seems like he might try children with puppy sauce if given the chance. His whole demeanor screams that he hates his guests, anyone who isnâ€™t as smart as he is, the fact heâ€™s boiled down to a cooking show, and the fact that he tanks in the ratings because seeing food next to him makes you not want to eat it.
THAT ACE OF CAKES GUY: No clue who this guy is.
GIADA: Itâ€™s just porn.
PAULA DEEN: â€œâ€. Just joking. Butter and cheese. Butter and cheese.
SANDRA LEE: Porn mixed with Sarah Palin. Which is porn.
Giada: The Stepford wife sparkling clean kitchen makes me nervous. Maybe itâ€™s set design, or maybe sheâ€™s scrubbing corners with a toothbrush before they roll tape.
Rachael: I get the feeling pots are prepared the way microphones are prepared for Streisand.
And Iâ€™ve never seen her turn out one healthy dish.
Paula: Oompa Loompa doopaty doo. Iâ€™ve got another puzzle for you: What is orange and cuddles on cue? Hosts lots of stars from 1992.
Sandra Lee: Itâ€™s not semi-homemade if half comes from a can and the other half is served in a paper cone thatâ€™s inserted into the can.
The Neelys: There are no two sentences linked without an editing cut.
â€œHoney, taste this. MMM itâ€™sâ€“â€ (wife feeds husband)
â€œDelicious, absolutely I agree.â€ (husband chewing, wifeâ€™s back is to camera now as she washes her hands).
I just realized that I probably watch more of the Food Network than all other networks combined (It’s always ambient noise in my house) but rarely do I post about it. And I’ve got a lot to say about it but if I don’t get ready to go pick some apples right now, Mrs. C will cut me up to use in a pie (it would be much too bitter) so it’s up to you, dear Cynics, to give your impression of the food hosts.
Which food tv hosts do you hate or love and why? (Expound)