Things People Say in Restaurants

I have no doubt that all of these are true.

A pizza-and-sub takeout recently opened near me. When I got the menu, I decided that I would try the hamburger sub that was listed, so I called.

Me: “I’d like to place an order for pickup.”
Him: “Certainly, sir. What would you like to have?”
Me: “I’d like the hamburger sub, please.”
Him: “Excuse me, the HAMburger sub?”
Me: “Yes.”
Him: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have HAMburger.”
Me: “It’s right here on the menu.”
* Him: “We don’t have HAMburger.”

This went on a few times, until finally I asked for a cheeseburger sub without the cheese. He was happy to sell me that.