Scientology Orientation Videos

The rest of the parts seem to be on YouTube now. (It seems to start at Part 2 for some reason.)

Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10

I’ll watch through them and give the highlights:

Part 2 starts off explaining why Scientology is an actual religion (REALLY! We swear!) and compares L. Ron Hubbard to Buddha.(I didn’t know Siddartha wrote bad sci-fi) We also find out that L. Ron was “fully professional in 29 different fields” such as aviation, ethnology, filmmaking and getting rich hollywood actors to hand over lots and lots of money. (Ok, I made up the last one……. wait, no I didn’t)

Part 3 continues the tour through the L.Ron Museum where it is explained that he gave his entire fortune to the Church of Scientology so that it would “always be here for the benefit of all mankind.” So, he is kind of like the Warren Buffet of space cults. Part 3 starts getting creepy, er, creepier when the tour guide explains how the government realized the power of dianetics and tried to wrestle it from L.Ron. *cue scary music*

Part 4 takes us to the book store where people are lining up to buy Dianetics like it was the latest Harry Potter book. (Bad example I know. Harry Potter has a better chance of being real than Dianetics) The rest of Part 4 mostly deals with what Scientology books a good beginning Scientologist should have in their library. Surprisingly, Battlefield Earth is not mentioned.

Part 5, The Organization. We find out that all the churches of Scientology have a Dept. 21 or Office of L.Ron Hubbard which is a large furnished office set aside for Ron as a symbol of… oh whothefuckknows. My thetans are starting to yell at me for starting this synopsis. All I know is that the glassy-eyed lady in L. Ron Hubbard’s office is really creeping me out. We head over to the “Director of Processing” to find out how Scientology works.

Part 6, Auditing. The Director of Processing, let’s just call him scary moustache man, holds up a chart and explains how auditing can help you gain iq points. And by explaining I mean he holds a pencil up to the chart. Get it? Scary moustache man start in on how psychology is a scam and looks like he is about to jump on a couch at any moment. Scary moustache man then says “Only a raving lunatic would try to harm Dianetics and Scientology, or Scientologists for that matter. They need psychiatric help, that would finish them.” Even the scientology moderator looks a bit scared.

Part 7. Pretty boring up until the 1:33 when we get to the ecclesiastical redress of wrongs or the Scientology justice system where you can resolve disputes against fellow wackos Scientologists.

Part 8 Starts off restating how they are an actual honest to goodness real religion. Really! The IRS said so and they’re always right! “Even your donations are tax deductible. Just like any other religion.” Then Part 8 goes to the TESTIMONIALS! WOOHOO! Isaac Hayes makes a cameo.

Part 9. The testimonials continue. Kirstie Alley tells us that without Scientology, she would be dead. Vinnie Barbarino finishes off the Testimonials.

Part 10 wraps up this insanity by telling us that we are perfectly free not to think about Scientology, “It would be stupid, but you can do it. You can also jump off a bridge or blow your brains out. That is your choice.” WTF??? Those are your options??

There you have it. The Scientology orientation film. Feeling clear yet?

Update:

You can download the entire video at the Internet Archive:
(Thanks George)

Update 2:
Xenu is thwarted once again by L. Ron’s mighty legal team. The YouTube videos have been taken down but you can still see the entire video at the Internet Archive.

10 Comments

  1. Download the video to see the first part. It includes special effects, scientologist real estate, and best of all a man holding a monkey!

  2. Chris, you really are a friend of Scientology. We cannot thank you enough for agreeing to distribute this for us. Now readers of this B-log can finally know the truth… nay FEEL the truth.

    Who, among your readers, could ever deny the glory and wholesome goodness of the L. Ron Way? Our Church has no records of Scientology NOT benefiting a single one of our members.

    The Way is always true to you, as long as you are true to It.

    If you, or any of your readers have any questions, you may contact me at 805-963-8931, ask for Mike.

    Remember, Something CAN be done about it.

  3. Scientology reminds me a lot of Mormanism (or whatever you call it nowadays). Started by hacks who wanted to be famous for ANYTHING.

    I loved the part of the videos where they show you the levels of Scientology. It reminds me of a MORPG (Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game for you non-nerds). If I progress to level 30 I get a cool weapon and I get the power to buy books. Then at level 60, I have amazing powers…at level 90 I can defeat all my enemies and open a church!!! Now that I think of it that way, it really is a lot like a MORPG…you have to pay a fee to play and you have to progress through the levels…althewhile, gathering friends to join so you don’t feel like such a loser.

    (Yes, I play a MORPG…sigh).

  4. Hey Mike – Thanks for spreading the good word and all, but you shouldn’t be on the internet, should you?

    You’re probably all covered in Thetan cooties.

    Scientology truly must be a religion, cuz check it out – you’re pushing it on people! Truly a sign of any religion of any worth.

    Thanks bud – STAY GOLD!

  5. All the files have been taken down by YouTube. That is truly sad. I saw some Clams recently and they scared me. I used to mock them, but now I’m afraid, very afraid.

  6. The Moonies guns for sale,Ragheads who go boom,Monks on fire,Mormons who can everything,Christians who declair warHindus who starveJews who own more then you knowAgnostics who cares?
    Scientologist who act?,
    Don’t cha just love em all?

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