Jack Bauer vs. Chuck Norris

Vote for who you think will win in a fight of good vs. good.

Me and Mrs. Cynical just recently started getting into 24 and rented the first few seasons. We are up to Season three at the moment and I am wondering if Kim Bauer is the biggest jinx in the history of television. She makes Cousin Oliver from the Brady Bunch seem like a winner. How does anybody get kidnapped six times in one day? At one point she gets kidnapped from her kidnappers by an entirely different set of kidnappers. And in those rare instances that she isn’t being held by gunpoint or inadvertently getting people around her killed or mutilated, she is spouting opinions that are consistently wrong. I thought CTU hiring her in Season 3 was a stroke of genius if the plan was that CTU would ask for her opinions and then do the exact opposite of whatever her gut was telling her at the time.

Then again, I guess if she exhibited any common sense they would have to call the show 2 so I guess I really have no point.


  1. How is this even a contest? Without all his fancy pants gadgets and whatnot Sutherland is just a wussified city-boy. Sure he may be prettier and a heck of a lot smarter than Norris (really, no competition there) but this isn’t a quiz bowl; we’re talking fighting. Assuming a fair fight and no weapons, of course, Norris, black belt, is going to cream Sutherland.

    To demonstrate this I’ve prepared a completely non-controversial list of who could whup who (everybody in their heyday, sober, and trying hard). You’ll see Sutherland there right at the bottom above Michael Jackson:

    Bruce Lee
    Jackie Chan
    Mike Tyson
    Muhammad Ali
    Chuck Norris
    Mr. T.
    Dolph Lundgren
    Sylvester Stallone
    Arnold Schwarzenegger
    James Gandolfini
    Kiefer Sutherland
    Michael Jackson

    I am glad I could straighten this out.

  2. Wait a minute! Jack Bauer was tortured to the point that he died in one of the seasons (they all kinda blend together). Dead. Heart stopped. The doc managed to resuscitate him and within 10 minutes he had killed the torturers and was back chasing after the bomb/virus/kidnappers. That’s just plain badass.

    And Jackie Chan????????

  3. Jack Bauer would kill you and have sexual relations with your wife and/or significant other…and you would applaud him for it.

  4. The first half of the first season of 24 was probably the most gripping TV I ever watched.

    Biggest mistake was killing that Ira Gaines guy, he was such a great baddie.

  5. With 24, you only need to watch the fisrt episode and the last. The stuff in between is, we caught the bad guy, oops , he escaped . We caught him again, oops he got away again.

    Put Cynthia Rothrock on the list . She would look while kicking his ass.

  6. I found your blog searching for constructions picture of the Empire State Building. That was about two hours ago. 🙂

    I’m enjoying your blog so much. I just wanted to say hi. Hi!

  7. Chris, I hate to break it to you, but being tortured to the point of dying only further supports the notion that Jack’s going to get his ass handed to him, time and time again. Jack is not an ass-kicker, but an ass-kickee. He might as well be carrying Mulder’s big flashlight, because Mulder was an ass-kickee, too. And Kim Bauer reminds me of the episode of Seinfeld, where George learns to do the opposite successfully. So, yes, if that was what CTU was thinking, props to them for figuring it all out. (And Ernst, where’s Harvey Keitel in your ranking?)

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