You Can’t Please Everyone – The Fellowship of the Ring (Movie)

One star Amazon reviews of classic movies, music and literature. Today we take a look at the Fellowship of the Rings (the movie, not the book):

I’m a big movie buff, I’ve seen Citizen Cane and I love Castleblanca, but I can not see why this film has gotten so much attention! It bills itself as a historical drama, but none of the history books I’ve looked through mentioned any great war or things like Hobbits or Elves. And talk about a long movie! They think we need another half an hour? …

I recomend Pearl Harbor, it’s a much more historically acurate and the love story is more believable.

Though the movie is better then the books, I would still rather go to the dentist then watch it again.

I can’t actually reveiw this cause I couldn’t stay awake through it.

The dreadful mismash could only be understood by Tolkien Twits. It is dark and vague and wanders around without any real thread of plot. This lengthy and slow tale is beautifully filmed but lacks any substance. If you have nothing but re-runs of Gilligan’s Island watch Gilligan. It will cost you brain cells but at least you will be entertained.

“The Fellowship of the Ring” was one of the longest and most tedious movies I’ve ever seen. I sat for three hours in a theater chair watching the most weird-looking creatures battling a bunch of other guys over and over. The Orcs, or whatever you call them, are really disgusting. There were too many names that got confusing. There was Aragorn, Sauron, Saurumon, Gondor, and half a million other names and places that got confusing. What a waste of three hours.

I havent read the books, and this movie was totally confusing. I guess its only good for people who have read the books… IN my opinion, it stunk!! You could not get into the movie, like you could in Harry Potter. I personally think that they should have made a movie on the Hobbit (i read the Hobbit)instead of the Lord of The Rings, because it would have been much more easier to understand by people who havent read the books… This was a major disapointment, and a waste of 3 hours…

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You Can’t Please Everyone – The Shawshank Redemption

One star Amazon reviews of classic movies, music and literature. Today we take a look at The Shawshank Redemption:

Morgan Freeman ruins this movie with his horrible voice over and acting. If you want to see Morgan Freeman in a good role, see “Dreamcatcher”. That is an epic film.

I really enjoyed this movie when I first watched it, as I did most movies with Tim Robbins. I just wish that he kept his politics to himself and not used his celebrity to amplify them. Nothing wrong with free speech- but actors generally have more media attention than the millions of fans they have. When was the last time CNN asked you about whether you liked a candidate, or policy?

Anyway, Tim Robbins is a great actor, but I can’t get the image of him telling me how to think out of my head when I see him act now- and that has ruined a lot of movies for me.

I didn’t need to sit through 90 minutes just to see a guy going through a crap tube barfing up his guts. Oh, give that guy an Oscar. More like Shawstank Congestion. It’s like some twisted kinda Karate Kid who’s mute and has a sort of Southern Fried Yoda for a companion. But then he’s always barfing and swimming in poop. It gets disgusting and after a while you’re like I get it and why? for godsakes.

I’m sure no one’s disputing that The Shawshank redemption is a bad movie. However, I would like to go further, and suggest that Shawshank redemption is one of the worst movie’s ever made. For starters, it’s got Morgan Freeman in it. Morgan Freeman(this spelling may be wrong, but I don’t care) is a man of limited talents: he can play a guy hunting a serial killer, and sometimes the president, but when he tries to act he’s terrible. And you know I’m right.
Two: The film is really boring, goes on forever, covers a span of decades yet the cast never age(Morgan freeman should be dead by the end), has voiceover to explain everything, is really sentimental, everything ends ridiculously happily, he escapes in a stupid way, it actually contains the tagline “hope can set you free” and so on and so on.
Three: The film’s star, Tim Robbins, actually said it was awful. He is right and you are all wrong.

This paean to middle-aged scofflaws, attempts to persuade the viewer to side with rapists, thieves, and murderers. If Mr. Freeman didn’t want to imagine what it was like inside that pipe, then he should avoid viewing this waste of celluloid, I assure you it is 100 times worse. A rampant glorification of gynicide.

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You Can’t Please Everyone – The Graduate

One star Amazon reviews of classic movies, music and literature. Today we take a look at The Graduate:

Let me see if I get this right about this “classic” film of the 60’s. Boy graduates from College, then has a torrid, sordid affair with his Dad’s best Friend/Business Partner’s Wife.
He then goes thru a phase of alienation with his parents. Then he breaks off the affair with Ms. Robinson in order to stop the marriage of her daughter. So that he can run off with her. There by by ruining Dad’s business and a marriage.
But on the plus side it has a great musical score. It sounds a lot like something out of Larry Springer to me. But then I could be wrong!

I was 21 when this came out, it was pointless then and still is.
Hoffman was no actor and still is not.

I don’t understand why everyone likes this movie so much. To me, it is absolutely the worse film i have ever seen. We saw it in my film study class and i just couldn’t even stand to look at the screen after a while. it is extremely boring, the script is the kind of funny that you get, but don’t feel like laughing at, the music is okay, but can’t salvage the movie, and the directing is just asking for people to fall asleep. i’m not someone who goes for meaningless movies, quite the contrary. however, i don’t see any meaning or symbolism in this movie at all, i think it looks like something that is a very bad, first attempt at filming. i could probably do better in my backyard with a camera. don’t watch it, it’ll be the worse, most boring time of your entire life! i wouldn’t even give it any stars, i’d give it negative stars if that was a choice!

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You Can’t Please Everyone – Dune

One star Amazon reviews of classic movies, music and literature. Today we take a look at Dune:

A hatful of people with unreadable alien names, and a central character called Paul. Vastly advanced civilisations who retain a totally monarchic society. Never have so many dreadful Science Fiction cliches been brought together in one book. Ghastly.

This book brought me near suicide. I was so depressed after reading this pie that I wanted to go eat a goat.

One of the worste books of all time, I feel.
Actually… I couldnt make it past page 50. I usually give all books 100 pages, but I just could not stand it. It is written with a slight yoda like way. I just could not stand it.
Though, the movies arent really all that bad though.

Prose that would make a Dungeons and Dragon novel blush, boring , narcassistic characters, plot goes nowhere…1 star

This is a chore. I don’t go for complex storylines and this book is the worst of the worst for those. I kept turning back to read over parts I had not taken in the first time, and in the end I gave up. I got to almost half-way, but I had lost interest way before then.

AN UTTERLY ABSURD AND INORDINATLY LONG BOOK THAT INEXPLICABLY SPAWNED NUMEROUS SEQUELS THAT RESIDE ON THE SAME LITERARY LEVEL AS THE ORIGINAL.BORDOM, POMPOSITY AND PRETENTOUSNESS DO NOT A GOOD BOOK MAKE AND THAT IS PERHAPS MORE EVIDENT HERE THAN IN ANY OTHER BOOK I HAVE EVER READ.THE PLOT IS BIZARRE AND STRONGLY AKIN TO THOSE OF THE 50’S B-MOVIES THAT WE ARE SO APT TO FORGET,THE DIALOGUE IS LEADEN AND THE STYLE IS HEAD GRINDINGLY BAD.

There are some good things in Dune. But the bad swamps the good. Clumsy writing, heavy-handed symbolism, self-righteousness, unbelievable dialogue, characters even a comic book would blush at. A book that insults the intelligence at every level.

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You Can’t Please Everyone – Airplane

One star Amazon reviews of classic movies, music and literature. Today we take a look at Airplane:

This is nothing more than slap stick slop. There is no acting. There is no plot and no theme. If you like pointless mindless movie fare, then this is for YOU! Want a movie where you don’t have to think? This is your movie! Like jokes that are silly and nonsensical? Here you go. Enjoy. Purely garbage.

A guy with poor hearing answers “Don’t call me Shirley” when somebody says “Surely” to him. This is the main joke in this movie. If you think this is hysterically funny, go ahead, buy it. You’ll have a lot of fun, the whole movie is full of this stuff. Otherwise, pass on it, it’s dull.

This movie is nothing but stupid slap stick. Don’t waste your money. It’s not even funny.

I kept hearing rave reviews for this movie, so I decided to watch it. Apparently it is one of the funniest movies of all time. After the movie was over and the credits rolled, I just sat there staring at the screen for a few minutes contemplating how anyone could even watch this movie. I laughed about, oh, three times.

And no, it’s not because I don’t like silly, nonsensical humor, because that’s my favorite kind of humor. This was just…not funny. It just wasn’t funny. And I find myself wondering how anyone could recommend this movie. I can’t believe this has an average rating of 4 and a half stars!! My god!!! Even “The Ladies Man” was funnier than this! “Planet of the Apes” was funnier than this! And to the guy who said the “drinking problem” gag was “ingenious” and “no one would have thought of that”…um…I don’t know what to say.

OK, rant over. DON’T rent this movie…

I couldn’t even watch more than 20 minutes of this movie. The humors are so corny, cheap by today’s standard. It’s more stupid than funny. Movies like “office space”, “groundhog day” is far better than this one.

Thos movie was horrid to the point where I could not even sit through it. And I am an immature high school freshman.

You Can’t Please Everyone – Blade Runner

One star Amazon reviews of classic movies, music and literature. Today we take a look at Blade Runner :

The service was terrific, however we cannot watch the DVD’s. I have a Hi-Def TV but apparently you need a different DVD player to watch it, which we do not have. If anyone wants it, I’ll sell it for $20. Wish they had told me.Lesson learned.

I hate when someone totally rips apart a movie “I” like but…WAKE UP EVERYONE! This movie has three things going for it:
1) Harrison Ford
2) Awesome “visuals”
3) A dramatic and beautifully orchestrated ending

And that’s about it. I can’t believe I bought this movie. I bought it based on you people’s reviews. I found this movie to be no more than an excuse to use lots of cool sets and neon lights, and to make droves of incessant movie-going lemmings with derelict senses of filmmaking go write reviews of praise on the internet so sorry chumps like me would go by it too.
Well, thanks.

I’ve seen all the versions of this film and, for some reason, really want to like it. Unfortunately, most of the movie takes place in dark rooms, intended to symbolize, perhaps, a dark future but serves only to underscore the unreality of the film. Any real person going into any of the rooms in this film would open the drapes or turn on a light. It is like the technical director is about 14 years old.

And it is slow, possibly so that we don’t miss the product placement.

I know this is supposed to be noirish, but noir films always clip right along. This drones along with a David Lynch obscurity (again, think 14 year old). I think if I were stoned as I watched it I might think it was deep. But, unfortunately, I wasn’t, so I just wish they’d turn the lights on.

This has to be the worst movie I ever watched… or sorry, I should say worst movie I’ve ever attempted to watch. I don’t understand how people love this movie. It’s boring and stupid. Also the acting is terrible. Harrison Ford at his worst!!!

Although I’m a Harrison Ford Fanatic, I simply hated this movie. Frankly I don’t know what all the fuss was about. If you’re looking to spend a few bucks buy an Indiana Jones instead. I would recommned “the Last Crusade” in which Sean Connery Co-stars.

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You Can’t Please Everyone – Gone With the Wind

One star Amazon reviews of classic movies, music and literature. Today we take a look at Gone With The Wind:

The portrayal of African Americans in this movie is a disgrace. The movie is glorifying the old south and thus glorifying slavery. When I watched this racist flick–I rooted for General Sherman! Slavery was wrong–the south was wrong–the right side won–get over it! This is like a sugar coated “Birth of a Nation”. (and the story is boring as well)

I tell my family that I don’t like this film and they think I am crazy- but I am not. This movie has to be the worst of all!!! For one thing- it is too long! I have better things to do with 5 hours of my time. Plus- it is not an epic romance! A good romance movie- it can not claim. The movie is basically about two alcoholic, money filled, greedy, rascist brats falling in love during a war which they totally portrayed wrong. I know- I wasn’t a live then. But I do know that that couldn’t have been how slavery was. They have a scene where they have the work bell, saying they could stop working, and they all smile and tlaking friendly and act almost happy about there surrondings! I find that hard to believe- that they were happy about being slaves. Another thing- I hate all the characters. Scarlet is a brat, Gables character is a brat, Ashley is boring, Melanie is too quiet and boring- and she never expresses her self. She should go up and slap Scarlet. My recommendation- never see this movie!!!!!! I would rather eat rocks!

Quite possibly the most overrated movie of all time. Who wants to spend five hours listening to a bunch of spoiled, racist brats? I’d rather slap Scarlett than kiss her. If this is what The Old South was really like, then thank God those damn Yankees won. I’d of marched with Gen. Sherman anytime!

at no point in this movie does anyone’s head explode in flames. truly great films such as welcome to spring break recognize the need for such scenes, but this movie clearly fails to understand the emotional resonance a burning head can create. if you want to see a truly great movie, check out welcome to spring break.

How can anyone seriously criticize this film? Well, some people can, but that’s not my point. The point is that this is the greatest American film since “Birth of a Nation.” Watch in awe as Scarlett and Ashley pine for the bygone days when the soft high sound of Negro laughter rises like the Louisiana marsh mist from the decrepit, rat-infested slave quarters swimming in lice and feces. Chortle with Rhett as he sprays misogyny across Georgia like an alley cat with a urinary tract infection. Pray with the Confederacy as it bravely attempts to defend time-honored traditions of patriarchal subjugation, racist contempt for human life and belligerent arrogance bordering on the psychotic. Boo and hiss as uppity Negroes humiliate the once proud South by asking for things like civil rights and a decent standard of living. Cheer for Scarlett (again) as she pops all her scruples like over-ripe zits in her pathological quest for a goal even she doesn’t understand. And finally, share in the triumph of the filmmakers as they achieve the astounding feat of creating sympathy and admiration for one of the most sordid and shameful chapters in American history. Can you think of any reason modern audiences might not be totally pleased with this sugar-coated atavism? I sure can’t.

One of the worst films ever made, period. I will never, ever, understand the fascination with this film, it is awful in so many ways:
1) It is at least 2 hours too long, it just goes on and on and on and you wish someone would just put these people (and you) out of their misery.
2) Had nothing (repeat, NOTHING) to do with the Cival War. If you want a movie about the Cival War then watch GLORY, the best Cival War movie ever made. It is nothing more than an Episode of Dynasty with nice sets and costumes.
3) So full of stereotypes it makes you cringe. From the southern Belles who act as if lifting a feather is too difficult for them, to the black slaves who do everything but eat watermelon, it is just sickening to watch.
4) The script: I could do better in my sleep “Oh Rhet, Oh Scarlett, Oh Melanie, Yankees in Georgia? Oh Honey Lamb !” Oh give me a break !!!
5) The acting: “Oh Rhet, Oh Scarlett, Oh Melanie”

The list goes on and on, if only this film had burned with Atlanta and saved us all from Ted Turner broadcasting it every other day. I’m tired of people thinking that this is some great american film. Yeh, and “The Jetsons” is the best TV show ever made, jeeez. This film is totally stupid, the only reason I gave it one star is for the lavish sets and costumes.

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