Get Cynical

There’s a fire and you have only enough time to grab two items from your house (pets and people are already to safety). What would you take?

From: Todd C.
Subject: Liberty University Banner Ads

WTF?

Liberty University is the institution of choice for bigots and morons.

I’m guessing you don’t have any control over what banner ads appear on your site, but if you do, you might want to get rid of those ones.

Todd C.
Prepress Coordinator / File Specialist

First World Problem.

My response:

From Chris
To: Todd. C
Subject: Re: Liberty University banner ads?
Two questions.

1. What are you talking about?
2. Who the fuck are you?

Actually, that I don’t know the answer to number 2 means I really don’t care about the answer to #1. And given the way you initiate emailing with somebody you don’t know, I don’t care for an answer to #2 either.

I’m assuming that it was a google context ad for Liberty University that got our Prepress Coordinator in such a tizzy that his complaints exploded into his email like a bad case of digital dysentery where there was no time for such formalities such as an introduction or a salutation. Who has time for such niceties when there’s a CHRISTIAN AD ON YOUR WEBSITE!!!!!!&@&@!!!

Yes, we all know by now that Google Ads are contextual and sometimes are a bad mix for the subject. You can block certain ones but you’re deluded if you think I’m going to spend any time seeking out each ad to block. I have better things to do with my time. (i.e. writing blog posts about assholes who send me ridiculous email)

(click to enlargify)

Starting to fill out more. The Marigolds we planted never sprouted so we had to transplant some instead. Now we just need some sunshine and heat for the peppers and tomatoes to start really growing. I need to get some straw to mulch a bit this weekend to cut back on some of the weeds and to conserve some moisture when it starts getting really hot.

I’m really enjoying my first garden so far.

Just wanted to interrupt the holiday weekend to thank everybody for their kind comments and birthday well wishes. I really appreciate it when you take the time to comment.

The garden is going well. Mrs. C and I live in an apartment but they give out garden plots for their tenants. We were on the waiting list and got a 20 x 10 foot plot which is a lot larger than I expected.

Here’s what it looked like on May 25 (click pic to biggie):

And on May 27th:

And what we’re growing:
Corn
Beans
Squash
Tomatoes (4 varieties)
Basil
Lettuce
Marigolds
Nasturtiums
Peppers
Carrots
Cucumbers
Morning Glories
Green Onions
Thyme
Oregano

At least that’s the plan. I’ll keep you updated. Now back to our regularly scheduled holiday.

Update
This was originally posted on April 16, 2010. I finally received a response and have posted it at the bottom.

I have completed my letter of Actus formalis defectionis ab Ecclesia catholica and will be sending it to the Bishop of my former Diocese tomorrow. I was unaware that one could even formally defect from the church until I came across this post from Emptv.com a few weeks ago.

This letter won’t make me any less Catholic than I was yesterday, however it annoyed me that the church still considers me one of theirs and uses baptism records as statistics to claim how many adherents they still have. I’ll keep you posted if I get a response.

April 14, 2010

Bishop George W. Coleman
c/o The Diocese of Fall River
47 Underwood St., PO Box 2577
Fall River, MA 02722

Dear Bishop Coleman,

I am writing to inform you of my defection from the Roman Catholic Church. I was born an atheist and then baptized into the Catholic Church as an infant which of course made it impossible for me to give my consent. My mother was a Catholic and mistakenly believed that it was her duty to raise me with her religion.

Soon after receiving the Sacrament of Confirmation, my faith in Catholicism and religion in general began to fade. My childhood belief in God and the supernatural was replaced by a love of science which piqued and satisfied my curiosity about the world in a way that religion had never done for me. My love of literature led me to explore the writings of atheist and humanist authors such as Mark Twain, Robert G. Ingersoll, Bertrand Russell and Kurt Vonnegut. Their thoughtful words on the human experience taught me to think whereas priests had only taught me to believe.

I have been an atheist now since the early 1990s and my convictions of a world devoid of superstition, demons, and deities grows stronger with each passing day. I have, however, neglected to officially sever my ties from the Church. The Church’s position against women’s reproductive rights, its political opposition to allowing homosexuals to find happiness in marriage even outside of the Church, and the aiding and harboring of predatory priests who sexually abuse children has made me realize that I cannot in good conscience remain silent while still being counted as a participant of an organization whose ideals I find reprehensible and morally wrong. Therefore, I consciously and freely state that I am defecting from the Roman Catholic Church and wish that my name be removed from church records. I was born in 1974 and baptized at:

St. Andrew the Apostle (formerly Saint Joseph’s)
19 Kilmer Ave
Taunton, MA 02780

I would greatly appreciate it if you could send me written notification that you have complied with this request. I am fully aware of the consequences of my separation from the Church and accept them. I have found more love and comfort amongst family and friends than I ever could find kneeling in abject servitude to an ancient delusion. As an atheist, I have been able to find this love and happiness without the fear that myself or any of my loved ones could possibly spend an afterlife in eternal torment because they didn’t follow certain rules designed to keep people fearful and ignorant. Letting go of the belief of a deity has helped me keep an open mind and treat people of all different races, religions, genders and sexual orientations with the respect that is deserved and required for us to live harmoniously together. I no longer live for the good of a god, but only for the good of mankind.

Sincerely,

Christopher D. Cole

P.S. I do wish to thank the Diocese and St. Joseph’s Church in Taunton, MA for the lovely bible that they gave to me after my confirmation. I read it from beginning to end as was suggested. The monstrosities contained in that book by a “loving” God upon his followers helped hasten my departure from the Church more expediently than any atheistic book ever could.

Updated May 26, 2011

A year later, I received a response. (Click letter enlargenify it)

After a few months of not getting a reply, I thought they may have just thrown the letter out. I didn’t really care if I received a response or not because you don’t need permission from any organization or individual to stop believing in a religion. The letter was just a form of protest against a group that I had been indoctrinated into before I was mature enough to give my consent. Also, the Catholic Church is a powerful organization that lobbies its archaic positions politically and I wanted to do everything within my power to make sure I am not supporting them in any way. Formally defecting was the least I could do to have a note of protest put in my baptismal records.

The paragraph in the letter about the indelible seal was completely expected and is illustrative of how childish the Catholic Church was and remains. That some adults feel that pouring water over an infant’s head while muttering incantations makes a person a part of an organization for life no matter what this person is taught or ends up believing just reinforces my opinion of the church’s deceitful and bullying nature. A person’s faith should be what they believe, not about that time they bathed in front of a congregation.

“I’ve never sought anything for myself. Miss Taggart, I can proudly say that in all of my life, I have never made a profit!”

Her voice was quiet, steady and solemn:

“Mr. Lawson, I think I should let you know that of all the statements a man can make, that is the one I consider most despicable.”

I’m about 300 pages into Atlas Shrugged at this point and it’s a bit disheartening to see that I’ve come so far and still have not passed a third of the way through this contrived drivel about the wealthy industrialists who toil relentlessly to complete their visions of grandeur and are rewarded by having their teats suckled greedily by the the rest of society who then turns around and complains bitterly about the ego-enriched milk. I do know however, who the first person to go Galt was. Her editor.

This is just pure capitalist pr0n. I really thought that the book was going to be a bit more subtle with Rand’s objectivist’s message slowly peaking its head out as the book goes on like a selfish turtle. But Rand is as subtle as shaving with a chainsaw. And without any shaving cream at that. There’s no middle ground. Everybody is either a pinko Marxist commie socialist or Donald Trump but with a larger ego.

“When I die, I hope to go to heaven–whatever the hell that is–and I want to be able to afford the price of admission”
“Virtue is the price of admission.” Jim said haughtily.
“That’s what I mean, James. So I want to be prepared to claim the greatest virtue of all–that I was a man who made money.”

The first part of the book deals with the Taggert Transcontinental Railroad which was founded a couple of generations ago by Nat Taggert who would rather put his wife up for collateral on a private loan than accept a non-wife-whoring loan from the government. Because in this universe, using people as collateral is morally superior than accepting publicly funded money. Jim Taggert inherits the railroad and becomes president while his sister, Dagney, claws her way up through the ranks. Dagney has the guts to make decisions which explains her fast rise in the company. Well, that and her last name is Taggert and her dad owned the railroad. But that was mainly incidental I guess. Anyway, Jim believes there is more to life than making money and believes that the masses should be included in the scheme of things. Dagney, realizes that her brother is a pinko Marxist commie socialist fool and makes a move to takeover the railroad before Jim destroys everything good in the world (ie Dagney’s stock).

[Dagney]“They dislike me, not because I do things badly, but because I do them well. They dislike me because I’ve always had the best grades in the class. I don’t even have to study. I always get A’s. Do you suppose I should try to get D’s for a change and become the most popular girl in school?”

Francisco stopped, looked at her and slapped her face.

She teams up with Hank Rearden who has invented a new form of metal which is stronger and lighter than steel but is untested. This safety hazard is not much of a speed bump for Dagney and she uses the metal to construct her John Galt railroad line named after a mysterious man whose name everybody has heard of but nobody seems to know why. When asked why she thinks the metal is safe she answers, “I studied engineering in college. When I see things, I see them.” Ya see? Who needs government oversight?

“Francisco, what’s the most depraved type of human being?”
“The man without a purpose.”

But Jim and his cry baby friends lobby the legislature to pass a bill limiting the amount of businesses that one man can own and this appears to be the first step in persecuting the nation’s embattled minority, the wealthy industrialist.

As part 1 comes to a close, there is more legislation about to be passed to restrict the rights of our brave but misunderstood business owners. I’m expecting the next step is that they’ll have to wear armbands with a dollar sign so that they may be rounded up from their art deco penthouse ghettos and liquidated with ease.

Ron Paul/Rand Paul 2012!

“Why ask useless questions? How deep is the ocean? How high is the sky? Who is John Galt?”

What musical instruments can you play?

These. (Click pic to embiggen)

Actually, the violin is Mrs. C’s. I can’t play that at all.

What’s your computer’s wallpaper look like?

Updated 6:45pm(Thanks to everybody who sent one in. I’m headed out so I won’t be posting any new ones but if you want to leave a link to your screenshot in the comments, feel free.)

Here’s mine at the moment.
(click to embiggen) It changes every 10 minutes to a new photo from my album.

Update: And here they come. Click them to biggify. I’ll update this as they come in.

From Martyn:

From Charley:

From Inti: “Lots of shit, I know…”:

From Danno: “Here’s my wallpaper. It’s Charger defensive end Luis Castillo handing former Raider quarterback Aaron Brooks his shoe back after trying harm him. I’m a huge golf fan.”

From Ryan: “I thought this was a fun idea, and I love my wallpaper image. It’s perfect for a gray March day. I thought I’d share it.”

From Kebernet:

From Abbi: “Having Tina Fey on my desktop is the closest I will come to having an Oprah Vision Board. ”

From Paula:

From RJ:

From Paul: “It’s wallpaper. How appropriate.
It’s a pic of a room in an attic from a place I use to live. Apparently this was the servant quarters a long time ago. They got tired of trying to remove the wall paper and quit.”

From Geoff: “From National Geographic Picture of the Day”

From Josh: “Here’s a shot of my desktop’s wallpaper. I think it’s awesome. I got it from vladstudio.com; they have some really fantastic artwork there if you’re interested in some cool desktop wallpapers.”

From Terry: “I’m pretty disorganized at work, so this work computer desktop setup was one way to battle that.”

From Kelly: “This is the view overlooking Muir Beach, taken Dec. 26, 2010.”

From Drea: “This wallpaper has been a little touch of creepy/awesome sunshine for several months now.”

From Eoghan: “I was going to clean up the desktop before I took the screenshot, but I decided instead to let everyone see my mess.”

From April: “Oh, so I’m supposed to mail it? Gotcha.”

From Enrique: “Grayscaled, slightly blurred selections from my travels (it helps icons and windows stand out), they change every 5 minutes.”

From Sean: “Here is my screenshot from my office computer.”

From Josh: “Remote intersection in Scotland.”

From Harb: “Mine also changes continually”

From Andrew:

From Niclas: “wallpaper is really my first ever doodle’s with a wacom tablet. ”

From MacCrocodile: “This has been my desktop wallpaper off and on for years. Carol Channing in Thoroughly Modern Millie.”

From Reverend Bob: “Crap! Did I screw that up?”

From Sebastien: “Shamelessy harvested from this Dresden Codak cartoon: http://dresdencodak.com/2009/08/06/youre-a-good-man-charlie-darwin-2/”

From Charlie: “I have a two monitor setup, the left one is vertical so the capture looks weird. I had to paste them together in Photoshop and screwed it up. But you’ll get the idea.”

From Jason: “She is a cutie eh?”

From Mike K:

From Nicholas: “Abandoned funfair, the city of Pripyat, near Chernobyl”

From Miek: “I kid you not – my desktop is completely blank, dark, dark green and NO icons. Everything I need is accessible with the start menu. this is a computer, not some vain attempt to convey my profound awesomeness. :

From Brian: “Here’s mine. Willie playing Trigger.”

From Gene: “Great idea! Here’s mine – It’s a dual monitor setup. The left side is my daughter and I at a race a few years ago. (I perv-blocked my daughter’s face – she’s not actually a blockhead). That side hasn’t changed in years. The right side changes every morning. I built a perl script that grabs a random image from a folder of cool pics I’ve collected and resizes it to fit the monitor. It puts the name of the file in yellow letters at the top of the image (it’s a little hard to see here).”

From Community-Emma:

From Nick: “I prefer a bare desktop, but sometime a few icons are necessary.”

From Rebekah: “I like to look at something pretty in between reading about politics…a palate cleanser for the eyeballs.”

From Dee:

From Robert: “I’ve had this for a couple of days, and I expect it will keep me amused for another couple of days.”

From Athena: “My work computer”

From Christopher: “I have mine rotating every hour, but this is what it is at the moment.”

From Minnesotastan: “An American Lady butterfly I raised last summer.”

From Gruggach:

From Christine: “Here’s mine! Dual monitors. The flowers are from our backyard last summer!”

From Mark: “A Google Street View of my house taken maybe the second week of November ’09?”

From Radmila:

Hello.

I’m interested in purchasing your website.
I’m willing to offer 2500$ for it, payable through PayPal or by wire transfer.
As soon as we’ve detailed information about the site and come to an agreement, I’ll be willing to go through with the sale immediately.
I expect to get this done within 2-4 days.

I apologize if my proposal isn’t appealing, not timely or doesn’t correspond to the site’s current revenue.

WooHoo! I’m rich. I never have to deal with another email that starts out with “I know it’s your blog and everything but…” again! So long suckers!

How are you an idiot?

I just went to my regular barbershop and attempted open the door with several futile pulls. I assumed it was locked and was about to walk away when another customer came behind me and pushed the door open. Oh…