Mr. Autumn Man Walking Down Street With Cup Of Coffee, Wearing Sweater Over Plaid Collared Shirt

There is nothing funny about this Onion article. Not at all. (I HATE THEM FOR BEING RIGHT!)

BOSTON—The twigs and acorns crunching pleasurably beneath his boots, Mr. Autumn Man Dennis Clemons, 32, reportedly strolled down Massachusetts Avenue on Wednesday wearing a gray sweater over a plaid collared shirt as he cradled a cup of pumpkin-spiced coffee and relished the crisp October morning.

“Nothing beats autumn in New England,” said His Excellency, the Duke of Fall, who began the day swaddled in a warm flannel blanket, gazing out the window at the golden-hued landscape, as is his custom this time of year. “Everywhere the leaves are changing and the temperature is starting to drop off. You can smell it in the air.”

“Tonight it may even dip into the 30s,” added the cozy autumnal personage, who at several points wrapped both hands around his warm container of coffee and inhaled deeply. “Perfect weather for building a fire.”

Mr. Fall, who sources speculate loves Thanksgiving, butternut squash soup, homecoming parades, “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow,” apple-picking, and haunted hayrides, emerges reliably every year around this time in his traditional uniform, sometimes alternating his iconic sweater with a fleece vest or pullover.

Hurricane Florence is rapidly intensifying and poses extreme threat to Southeast and Mid-Atlantic

I hope everyone in the storm is preparing for this one.

Hurricane Florence is tracking toward the East Coast with inevitability rarely seen in storms several days away from landfall. While forecasters were careful to cite “high uncertainty” in recent days, their tone changed after watching the storm’s eventual path barely shift from what they had considered to be a worst-case scenario.

Monday morning, as the storm rapidly gained strength, the National Hurricane Center was forecasting Florence to become a strong Category 4 storm before making landfall along the Southeast or Mid-Atlantic coast on Thursday.

Computer model forecasts generally project the storm to make landfall between northern South Carolina and the North Carolina Outer Banks, although shifts in the track are still possible and storm impacts will expand great distances beyond where landfall occurs.

Stay safe if you’re in this area.

Dallas Police Officer Shoots Neighbor Dead After Entering Wrong Apartment

Holy hell.

A Dallas police officer returning home from work shot and killed a neighbor after she said she mistook his apartment for her own, authorities said on Friday.

The officer called dispatch to report that she had shot the man on Thursday night, police said. She told responding officers that she believed the victim’s apartment was her own when she entered it.

The responding officers administered first aid to the victim, whom the Dallas county medical examiner’s office identified as 26-year-old Botham Jean. He was taken to a hospital and pronounced dead.

Bon Vendredi

Lola’s first birthday was last week. She is doing well and is extremely healthy. She does have a tendency to bite her ankles in frustration whenever she hears Trump’s voice on the tv. Although, she may just be mimicking the rest of the household.

I always feel like the new year begins right after Labor Day. January 1st is a horrible time for a new year to begin. Coming from New England, January 1st is the doorway to winter hell. Maybe it’s because school starts in September (or did for me at least) and the end of summer which made it feel more like a new beginning to the year. Or maybe I’m Jewish and never realized it. (Rosh Hashanah is coming up). So I hope everybody had a good first week to the new year.

Question of the Day

What’s the last thing you gave up?

Sugar during the week. Wait, that’s a lie. I have sugar in my coffee in the morning. And of course there’s added sugar in, just about everything. So during the week, I don’t eat any sweets like cookies, cakes, fruit juices, etc. I may eat a banana if it’s around and I need a pick me up. And I’ll have a dessert on the weekend because life needs some fun in it.

My diet has changed so much over the past few years. I’ve gone from a bacon loving, soda guzzling, burger eating, steak enthusiast to giving up virtually all of those. Honestly, I don’t miss the soda at all. The staying away from pork and beef is still new so it may not even take. But I’m not craving any of it. And I especially don’t miss the 50lbs of extra weight I was carrying around.