How To Define Beauty
On the Inefficiency of Beauty Contests, & A Suggestion for their Modernization.
One thousand such ships makes 20,000 tons. By this measure, the woman who breaks a bottle of champagne over the prow of a ship of 20,000 tons displacement and so launches it, becomes the equal to Menelaus' wandering spouse. At least so far as maritime affairs are concerned.
If an average-size woman were to do no more than launch herself--by getting into the bathtub, say-- she would automatically get credit for about .3 hundredths of a ship launching. Larger women would do a little better.
If ships launched were the sole measure of beauty, Eleanor Roosevelt and Mamie Eisenhower would emerge, without peer, as the most desirable of women. Marilyn Monroe would not even be in the running. The pyromaniacal inclinations of the toothsome Mamie and Eleanor were, however, imperceptible. They didn't even smoke.
