Get Cynical

Yes, I posted this before. Don’t you fucking judge me!

(via Clusterflock)

From wzzm13:

BATTLE CREEK, Mich. (WZZM) – Now that medical marijuana is legal in Michigan, can an employer fire a worker who tests positive for the drug?

WalMart says it can, so it did. “I was terminated because I failed a drug screening,” says former WalMart employee Joseph Casias.

In 2008, Casias was the Associate Of The Year at the WalMart store in Battle Creek, despite suffering from sinus cancer and an inoperable brain tumor.

At his doctor’s recommendation, Casias says he legally uses medical marijuana to ease his pain.

“It helps tremendously,” he says. “I only use it to stop the pain. To make me feel more comfortable and active as a person.”

Wait…. You need to take a drug test if you work at Walmart???

(via The whole of the internet I have seen)

So far he’s the most sane GOP candidate:

TAMPA, Florida – Not satisfied with living in Florida, Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey wants to move to Washington, D.C. to become the nation’s first vampire president.

Sharkey, 45, spent Friday on a Greyhound bus with his new fiancee, Audrianna Foster, a 19-year-old girl from Ohio he met online. She too believes she is a vampire, or vampyre.

“I haven’t dated a girl older than 19 since 2006,” said the Tampa man as his 19-year-old daughter and his 2-year-old grandson met him at the Greyhound station. “It’s good to be me.”

“The Impaler” claims he’s a direct descendent of Vlad II the Impaler, better known as Dracula.

He has scheduled a Monday press conference in Tampa to announce his plans to file paperwork to run for President of the United States in 2012. He recently switched his party affiliation from Independent to Republican so he can run with the G.O.P.

A clip from a German game show where this girl must identify Star Wars Lego mini figures using her mouth.