I would think that rule#3 kind of makes adhering to rule #2 damn near impossible.
1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal washing and using the bathroom.
2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company, especially when you are feeling particularly weak.
3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don’t suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.
4. After you bathe, don’t admire yourself in the mirror. Stay in the shower just long enough to clean yourself. Then dry off and GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.
5. When in bed (especially if that is where you masturbate), wear pajamas or other clothes so that you cannot easily touch yourself (and so that it would be difficult to remove those clothes. The time it takes to remove your clothing gives additional time to controll your thinking and overcome the temptation).
6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED! Go into the kitchen and make a snack, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.
7. Never look at pornography on the internet or elsewhere. Never read about your problem (even on sites claiming to be “educational”). Keep it out of mind. Remember — “First a thought, then an act.” The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.
8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books, scriptures, talks of church leaders. Make a daily habit of reading at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels — Matthew, Mark, Luke and John — above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their uplifting qualities.
9. Pray. But when you pray, don’t pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep it in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray for members of your family who need help. Pray for your friends, BUT KEEP THE PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT MENTIONING IT EVEN IN YOUR PRAYERS. KEEP IT OUT of your mind! The attitude of a person toward his problem has an affect on how easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it.
I’m headed to the nearest LDS Church with a crate of these to make some extra cash. I hope it fits with the magic underwear.
(via reddit)
Comments
19 Comments so far. Leave a comment below.Ok, whatever you do, DON’T THINK OF A PINK ELEPHANT.
NO! DON’T!
All this stress over a victimless “crime”. Like I’ve heard: sex is dirty, sinful, and disgusting, and should be saved for someone you really love.
Follow these tips and you won’t even love yourself!
It’s rule #7 sort of paradoxical?
#6 Go into the kitchen and eat even if you are not hungry.–Better to be grotesquely fat than sexually satisfied.
i doubt you’d sell many of those outdated models.
they probably have one of these already.
http://cgi.cafr.ebay.ca/CB-6000-MALE-CHASTITY-BEST-DEAL-ANYWHERE-CB6000_W0QQitemZ270214204989QQihZ017QQcategoryZ1468QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
Now I’ve that stupid “Pink Elephants on Parade” song in my head, Armand Assante. Thanks a lot! :#
z, if you eat enough, you won’t be able to REACH the “intimate parts”.
I’ve never understood the belief among the faithful that masturbation is a sin. Considering how specific and detailed the laws given in the Mosaic code are, one would think that IF masturbation was a sin it would have been covered there. This is the same set of laws that has instructions for acceptable hair care and clothing materials, and has a large section devoted to just whom you can have sex with and under what specific conditions. If masturbation was forbidden, it would definitely say so. It doesn’t, so it’s not.
Matthew 23:39
“For I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.’”
Seems to me that the bible is actually for masturbation.
This appears to be a rewrite/modification of an older version which was typed verbatim on an aquantance’s webiste here:
http://www.moonmac.com/Mormon_masturbation.html
I think when they say “weak” they mean “horny.” Now I have to go euphemize…
Wow, that sounds pretty panicy and desperate. I didn’t think it was that difficult, actually, which only makes it clear I never even bothered to try.
Miss C,
“We grew up with two things pounded into our brains from the day we were born. One is, God loves ya and he’s gonna send ya to hell. The other is that sex is dirty and evil and nasty and filthy and sinful and bad and awful and you should save it for the one you love. So it’s no wonder we were all schizoid maniacs.”
–Butch Hancock
Nice to see they updated this to include avoiding porn on the internet! “…especially if that is where you masturbate…!”
Chris it’s not coming it’s going that worries the bible thumperswho take it all in their own hands.As for the Moreman crowd I thought the long john PJ’s was for protection from the devil so he wouldn’t make them pull a way from the lord of
“don’t do that”.Bet somebody’s pulling for a relief of rules.
Stuff that, wanking is awesome.
I always find premarital sex helpful in fighting the urge to masturbate.
I am really great in bed. Especially when there’s someone else there with me.
I’ve heard from sinful women I’ve known (bless their hearts) that Mormon missionaries are fun to flirt with. Or at. They have a nearly fatal case of DSBs.
hehe don’t admire yourself. when looking in mirror i am always prompted to touch myself, because i’m a sexy devil of of course.