Cynical-C Blog

One star Amazon reviews of classic movies, music and literature. Today we take a look at Appetite For Destruction:

very sad homophobic LA teenie rock, RIP Axel. About as hard as the spice girls.

i’m sick of people calling g’n'r a metal band, they aint a god damn metal band! first of all, they are not technical enough to be considered “heavy metal”, they are your basic crap 80’s hard rock band, not a metal one.

I jsut learned something really good! to spell!

Dis is the the bezt exapmle of how mcuhb pop was. This i znothn but another ablum dat out to destroy mnusic/ It was released this yur, eople, get yo fact rights. Yep, di is the worst album eva created becuase I hate all of da bad music of todfay. Why lsiten to someone comlainsing about an imaginary girlfirned when you canoukll listen to Ashlee Simspon sing about eda peces ofg hur heart mon!!!!!!!!!!!! she did dat inst4ed ov whining!!!!!!! dat is bweing a rocker yall!!11 IMHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thu pozer muzak on dis iz da wurst muzak eva!!!! Slush iz the mnrst overrated gutiarist evaer, cause he plaus an LEs Petie that iz not played by Lindsey Lohan, dat zi no skill dog!!!!!!!!! bye.

Guns ‘N Roses pulls the limits when they decide to spread their ignorance and machismo onto the young minds of the world. This disc is just a negative effect it has on bois and grrls, that says the male needs to be the boss, that ‘real men’ hit women and ‘real rock stars’ must have 20 body guards to feel important, homosexuals must be hated and that people outside the white race not to be dealt with. This disc and this band is the scab of rock music, a mosquito bite, the in-laws that just wont go away. Axle Rose is a sham and a fake, he sould be welcomed into the jungle and shot for his ignorance, stupidity and egotistical way of being.

WOW,WHAT A JOKE,WHO LIKES AWFUL BANDS LIKE G’N'R,GREEN DAY,FOREIGNER AND NIRVANA.APETITE FOR DESTRUCTION IS A MASSIVE JOKE WITH SOME OF THE WORST SONGS IN PARADISE CITY AND WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE.WELL MY FRIENDS DONT BUY ANY ALBUMS FROM THE ABOVE MENTIONED BANDS.BUY ANY ALBUM FROM THE ROLLING STONES INSTEAD.

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One star Amazon reviews of classic movies, music and literature. Today we take a look at Sticky Fingers:

WOW! WHO LIKES SUCH AWFUL TRASH SONGS LIKE BROWN SUGAR??? THE ROLLING STONES ARE DEFINATELY ONE OF THE WORST BANDS EVER AND THEY HAVE NEVER MADE ANYTHING DECENT EXCEPT START ME UP AND SHATTERED AND THEY SHOULD BE DISHONORED FOR MAKING SUCH AWFUL MUSIC ALONG WITH QUEEN U2 DOORS AND SABBATH. GET ANY METALLICA ALBUM INSTED.

What does it say about those who ingest and celebrate the work of degenerates who use their “music” to glorify drug abuse, and racism (brown sugar, for example). Decent people are revolted by such filth. No amount of musicality can overcome their revulsion. However, for others, musicality is more important than morality. It is therefore no surprise that the world is in the state it’s in. Consumers should not support the celebration and exploitation of the suffering of any group of people. For people of African ancestry the effects of racism are still very real. No amount of musicality should surpass our moral obligations. Your choices generate the political, economic, and moral conditions that your children inherit. Act responsibly!

The Follin’ Craps, er, Rolling Stones, SUCKS BALLZ! All the singer does is make a fizzool out of himself. There’s a song on here called (…), and that word PERFECTIZZLY defizzines what these tizzurds ARE! A V O I D !

Monotonous.Dull.Uninspiring.Unadventurous. What this CD needs is stuff the calibre of All You Need Is Love or Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey.Stuff that sparkles and shimmers. The songs here are just pseudo junky nonsense. More imagination is needed here.If you want halfway decent stones try Hot Rocks which has all the stuff youll ever need.The best of their poppy material such as jumpin jack satisfaction and paint it black.This is as good as they got.Try Imagine or All Things Must Pass instead.

This was the start of the musical “end” of the Rolling Stones.
About the only 2 songs worth SPIT: Wild Horses & the C/W parody
Dead Flowers. ALL the other songs on this album sound like scrap left over from previous sessions. This album was originally released in 1971 ( about 2 plus years after Brians Jonses’ death. Founder of the Rolling Stones ) Since 1968 – 9 they began moving away from their strength ( R & B ) and headed
into these uncharted waters. Most of the content of these songs
leave you empty. If you can borrow this album first, this is what I would advise. This album began to convert me from BEING a hardcore fan. It’s a 2 song album folks, trust me.

To the reviewer who asked why Beatles fans attack the RS.Maybe you should ask the opposite.Go to any Beatles review and youll find stones fans galore attacking the Beatles out of pure jealousy.Fans of the Beatles are generally very secure,its the Stones fans who are usually jealous and bitter.Why?I dont know. Maybe its there(beatles)inate superiority that bugs them I dont know.But overall this is an OK CD.

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One star Amazon reviews of classic movies, music and literature. Today we take a look at the Fellowship of the Rings (the movie, not the book):

I’m a big movie buff, I’ve seen Citizen Cane and I love Castleblanca, but I can not see why this film has gotten so much attention! It bills itself as a historical drama, but none of the history books I’ve looked through mentioned any great war or things like Hobbits or Elves. And talk about a long movie! They think we need another half an hour? …

I recomend Pearl Harbor, it’s a much more historically acurate and the love story is more believable.

Though the movie is better then the books, I would still rather go to the dentist then watch it again.

I can’t actually reveiw this cause I couldn’t stay awake through it.

The dreadful mismash could only be understood by Tolkien Twits. It is dark and vague and wanders around without any real thread of plot. This lengthy and slow tale is beautifully filmed but lacks any substance. If you have nothing but re-runs of Gilligan’s Island watch Gilligan. It will cost you brain cells but at least you will be entertained.

“The Fellowship of the Ring” was one of the longest and most tedious movies I’ve ever seen. I sat for three hours in a theater chair watching the most weird-looking creatures battling a bunch of other guys over and over. The Orcs, or whatever you call them, are really disgusting. There were too many names that got confusing. There was Aragorn, Sauron, Saurumon, Gondor, and half a million other names and places that got confusing. What a waste of three hours.

I havent read the books, and this movie was totally confusing. I guess its only good for people who have read the books… IN my opinion, it stunk!! You could not get into the movie, like you could in Harry Potter. I personally think that they should have made a movie on the Hobbit (i read the Hobbit)instead of the Lord of The Rings, because it would have been much more easier to understand by people who havent read the books… This was a major disapointment, and a waste of 3 hours…

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One star Amazon reviews of classic movies, music and literature. Today we take a look at The Shawshank Redemption:

Morgan Freeman ruins this movie with his horrible voice over and acting. If you want to see Morgan Freeman in a good role, see “Dreamcatcher”. That is an epic film.

I really enjoyed this movie when I first watched it, as I did most movies with Tim Robbins. I just wish that he kept his politics to himself and not used his celebrity to amplify them. Nothing wrong with free speech- but actors generally have more media attention than the millions of fans they have. When was the last time CNN asked you about whether you liked a candidate, or policy?

Anyway, Tim Robbins is a great actor, but I can’t get the image of him telling me how to think out of my head when I see him act now- and that has ruined a lot of movies for me.

I didn’t need to sit through 90 minutes just to see a guy going through a crap tube barfing up his guts. Oh, give that guy an Oscar. More like Shawstank Congestion. It’s like some twisted kinda Karate Kid who’s mute and has a sort of Southern Fried Yoda for a companion. But then he’s always barfing and swimming in poop. It gets disgusting and after a while you’re like I get it and why? for godsakes.

I’m sure no one’s disputing that The Shawshank redemption is a bad movie. However, I would like to go further, and suggest that Shawshank redemption is one of the worst movie’s ever made. For starters, it’s got Morgan Freeman in it. Morgan Freeman(this spelling may be wrong, but I don’t care) is a man of limited talents: he can play a guy hunting a serial killer, and sometimes the president, but when he tries to act he’s terrible. And you know I’m right.
Two: The film is really boring, goes on forever, covers a span of decades yet the cast never age(Morgan freeman should be dead by the end), has voiceover to explain everything, is really sentimental, everything ends ridiculously happily, he escapes in a stupid way, it actually contains the tagline “hope can set you free” and so on and so on.
Three: The film’s star, Tim Robbins, actually said it was awful. He is right and you are all wrong.

This paean to middle-aged scofflaws, attempts to persuade the viewer to side with rapists, thieves, and murderers. If Mr. Freeman didn’t want to imagine what it was like inside that pipe, then he should avoid viewing this waste of celluloid, I assure you it is 100 times worse. A rampant glorification of gynicide.

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One star Amazon reviews of classic movies, music and literature. Today we take a look at A Christmas Story:

I have to agree whole heartedly with Jamie. This is the worst Christmas Movie I have seen. The profanity ruins it. It’s a 1940’s film with 1990’s movie profanity. If you have children under the age of 10, you need to be aware. The father is mean. The are two prolonged scenes where a bully makes another boy put his tongue on a metal pole and another where Ralphie fights with him. And to top it off the Santa and his elves are mean. There is not an uplifting feeling throughout this movie….

I just watched “A Christmas Story” and was very disturbed by it. It takes place in the 1940s (I think), but it is not at all like “Miracle on 34th Street”, which was made in the 1940s. There is a lot of violence in this film (hitting, beating, slapping) and worst of all, profanity. The boy in the movie has a fantasy of getting an air rifle and killing crooks. In this age of gun violence, this is the last thing that kids or adults need to see. I would not recommend this movie to anyone. And if this movie is about Christmas, I certainly couldn’t tell.

I first saw the promo for this on Turner Classic Movies. I was going to be sure that it was, and had to be, dumb, scary, violent, and mean-looking. To
tell you the truth, I was right. It is about this boy named Ralphie, who dose
not mind the adults looking after him. He behaves like a SPOILED, SELFISH, ROTTEN, CHILD OF A BRAT. He tells his parents that he wants a BB air rifle gun for Chirstmas. I repeat, A BB AIR RIFLE. But, his mother tells him no, and that it’s dangerous. Children should not be allowed to play rifles, including BB ones. Ralphie was, and is, a terrible, terrible child. I did not
like him at all. A child wanting a gun for Chirstmas… is horrible. Do not show this to your children. It’s more of a rated R then a PG.

I gave this one star, because there is no “0″ rating. Many people encouraged me to watch this…….this……thing, so last year I tried it. I kept wondering why everyone liked it so much. It was absolutely horrible. I forced myself to finish the movie: 1) I had hopes it would get better and 2) everyone said it was great.

If you have not seen it, let me tell you it is NOT great. It is boring, silly, immature and a great big waste of time.

I feel this DVD should not be a part of Christmas, maybe it should be shown at Halloween. I appreciate that this is how one man remembers his childhood but I wish my in-laws had never shown this movie to my children. They are not permanently damaged by this movie but it should be labeled as twisted.

What is this junk? How can so many people think it’s so cute and funny and consider it a classic?

It’s just about a whiny child who wants a gun for Christmas, and just about every adult tells him he’ll “shoot his eye out”! That’s the 1940s’ equivalent of a child asking for a violent video game such as the Grand Theft Auto series and parents saying, “you’ll end up shooting your next door neighbor” in today’s world! How can you call “A Christmas Story” a classic if it’s a hypocrisy of today’s standards?

Yes, entertainment’s entertainment. Movies are supposed to be fantasy road trips that takes us away from real-world problems for 90-or-so minutes. But I think movies tend to have a deeper meaning that is often hidden behind the superficial eye candy and storyline.

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One star Amazon reviews of classic movies, music and literature. Today we take a look at The Graduate:

Let me see if I get this right about this “classic” film of the 60’s. Boy graduates from College, then has a torrid, sordid affair with his Dad’s best Friend/Business Partner’s Wife.
He then goes thru a phase of alienation with his parents. Then he breaks off the affair with Ms. Robinson in order to stop the marriage of her daughter. So that he can run off with her. There by by ruining Dad’s business and a marriage.
But on the plus side it has a great musical score. It sounds a lot like something out of Larry Springer to me. But then I could be wrong!

I was 21 when this came out, it was pointless then and still is.
Hoffman was no actor and still is not.

I don’t understand why everyone likes this movie so much. To me, it is absolutely the worse film i have ever seen. We saw it in my film study class and i just couldn’t even stand to look at the screen after a while. it is extremely boring, the script is the kind of funny that you get, but don’t feel like laughing at, the music is okay, but can’t salvage the movie, and the directing is just asking for people to fall asleep. i’m not someone who goes for meaningless movies, quite the contrary. however, i don’t see any meaning or symbolism in this movie at all, i think it looks like something that is a very bad, first attempt at filming. i could probably do better in my backyard with a camera. don’t watch it, it’ll be the worse, most boring time of your entire life! i wouldn’t even give it any stars, i’d give it negative stars if that was a choice!

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One star Amazon reviews of classic movies, music and literature. Today we take a look at Dune:

A hatful of people with unreadable alien names, and a central character called Paul. Vastly advanced civilisations who retain a totally monarchic society. Never have so many dreadful Science Fiction cliches been brought together in one book. Ghastly.

This book brought me near suicide. I was so depressed after reading this pie that I wanted to go eat a goat.

One of the worste books of all time, I feel.
Actually… I couldnt make it past page 50. I usually give all books 100 pages, but I just could not stand it. It is written with a slight yoda like way. I just could not stand it.
Though, the movies arent really all that bad though.

Prose that would make a Dungeons and Dragon novel blush, boring , narcassistic characters, plot goes nowhere…1 star

This is a chore. I don’t go for complex storylines and this book is the worst of the worst for those. I kept turning back to read over parts I had not taken in the first time, and in the end I gave up. I got to almost half-way, but I had lost interest way before then.

AN UTTERLY ABSURD AND INORDINATLY LONG BOOK THAT INEXPLICABLY SPAWNED NUMEROUS SEQUELS THAT RESIDE ON THE SAME LITERARY LEVEL AS THE ORIGINAL.BORDOM, POMPOSITY AND PRETENTOUSNESS DO NOT A GOOD BOOK MAKE AND THAT IS PERHAPS MORE EVIDENT HERE THAN IN ANY OTHER BOOK I HAVE EVER READ.THE PLOT IS BIZARRE AND STRONGLY AKIN TO THOSE OF THE 50′S B-MOVIES THAT WE ARE SO APT TO FORGET,THE DIALOGUE IS LEADEN AND THE STYLE IS HEAD GRINDINGLY BAD.

There are some good things in Dune. But the bad swamps the good. Clumsy writing, heavy-handed symbolism, self-righteousness, unbelievable dialogue, characters even a comic book would blush at. A book that insults the intelligence at every level.

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One star Amazon reviews of classic movies, music and literature. Today we take a look at Airplane:

This is nothing more than slap stick slop. There is no acting. There is no plot and no theme. If you like pointless mindless movie fare, then this is for YOU! Want a movie where you don’t have to think? This is your movie! Like jokes that are silly and nonsensical? Here you go. Enjoy. Purely garbage.

A guy with poor hearing answers “Don’t call me Shirley” when somebody says “Surely” to him. This is the main joke in this movie. If you think this is hysterically funny, go ahead, buy it. You’ll have a lot of fun, the whole movie is full of this stuff. Otherwise, pass on it, it’s dull.

This movie is nothing but stupid slap stick. Don’t waste your money. It’s not even funny.

I kept hearing rave reviews for this movie, so I decided to watch it. Apparently it is one of the funniest movies of all time. After the movie was over and the credits rolled, I just sat there staring at the screen for a few minutes contemplating how anyone could even watch this movie. I laughed about, oh, three times.

And no, it’s not because I don’t like silly, nonsensical humor, because that’s my favorite kind of humor. This was just…not funny. It just wasn’t funny. And I find myself wondering how anyone could recommend this movie. I can’t believe this has an average rating of 4 and a half stars!! My god!!! Even “The Ladies Man” was funnier than this! “Planet of the Apes” was funnier than this! And to the guy who said the “drinking problem” gag was “ingenious” and “no one would have thought of that”…um…I don’t know what to say.

OK, rant over. DON’T rent this movie…

I couldn’t even watch more than 20 minutes of this movie. The humors are so corny, cheap by today’s standard. It’s more stupid than funny. Movies like “office space”, “groundhog day” is far better than this one.

Thos movie was horrid to the point where I could not even sit through it. And I am an immature high school freshman.

One star Amazon reviews of classic movies, music and literature. Today we take a look at Blade Runner :

The service was terrific, however we cannot watch the DVD’s. I have a Hi-Def TV but apparently you need a different DVD player to watch it, which we do not have. If anyone wants it, I’ll sell it for $20. Wish they had told me.Lesson learned.

I hate when someone totally rips apart a movie “I” like but…WAKE UP EVERYONE! This movie has three things going for it:
1) Harrison Ford
2) Awesome “visuals”
3) A dramatic and beautifully orchestrated ending

And that’s about it. I can’t believe I bought this movie. I bought it based on you people’s reviews. I found this movie to be no more than an excuse to use lots of cool sets and neon lights, and to make droves of incessant movie-going lemmings with derelict senses of filmmaking go write reviews of praise on the internet so sorry chumps like me would go by it too.
Well, thanks.

I’ve seen all the versions of this film and, for some reason, really want to like it. Unfortunately, most of the movie takes place in dark rooms, intended to symbolize, perhaps, a dark future but serves only to underscore the unreality of the film. Any real person going into any of the rooms in this film would open the drapes or turn on a light. It is like the technical director is about 14 years old.

And it is slow, possibly so that we don’t miss the product placement.

I know this is supposed to be noirish, but noir films always clip right along. This drones along with a David Lynch obscurity (again, think 14 year old). I think if I were stoned as I watched it I might think it was deep. But, unfortunately, I wasn’t, so I just wish they’d turn the lights on.

This has to be the worst movie I ever watched… or sorry, I should say worst movie I’ve ever attempted to watch. I don’t understand how people love this movie. It’s boring and stupid. Also the acting is terrible. Harrison Ford at his worst!!!

Although I’m a Harrison Ford Fanatic, I simply hated this movie. Frankly I don’t know what all the fuss was about. If you’re looking to spend a few bucks buy an Indiana Jones instead. I would recommned “the Last Crusade” in which Sean Connery Co-stars.

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One star Amazon reviews of classic movies, music and literature. Today we take a look at Gone With The Wind:

The portrayal of African Americans in this movie is a disgrace. The movie is glorifying the old south and thus glorifying slavery. When I watched this racist flick–I rooted for General Sherman! Slavery was wrong–the south was wrong–the right side won–get over it! This is like a sugar coated “Birth of a Nation”. (and the story is boring as well)

I tell my family that I don’t like this film and they think I am crazy- but I am not. This movie has to be the worst of all!!! For one thing- it is too long! I have better things to do with 5 hours of my time. Plus- it is not an epic romance! A good romance movie- it can not claim. The movie is basically about two alcoholic, money filled, greedy, rascist brats falling in love during a war which they totally portrayed wrong. I know- I wasn’t a live then. But I do know that that couldn’t have been how slavery was. They have a scene where they have the work bell, saying they could stop working, and they all smile and tlaking friendly and act almost happy about there surrondings! I find that hard to believe- that they were happy about being slaves. Another thing- I hate all the characters. Scarlet is a brat, Gables character is a brat, Ashley is boring, Melanie is too quiet and boring- and she never expresses her self. She should go up and slap Scarlet. My recommendation- never see this movie!!!!!! I would rather eat rocks!

Quite possibly the most overrated movie of all time. Who wants to spend five hours listening to a bunch of spoiled, racist brats? I’d rather slap Scarlett than kiss her. If this is what The Old South was really like, then thank God those damn Yankees won. I’d of marched with Gen. Sherman anytime!

at no point in this movie does anyone’s head explode in flames. truly great films such as welcome to spring break recognize the need for such scenes, but this movie clearly fails to understand the emotional resonance a burning head can create. if you want to see a truly great movie, check out welcome to spring break.

How can anyone seriously criticize this film? Well, some people can, but that’s not my point. The point is that this is the greatest American film since “Birth of a Nation.” Watch in awe as Scarlett and Ashley pine for the bygone days when the soft high sound of Negro laughter rises like the Louisiana marsh mist from the decrepit, rat-infested slave quarters swimming in lice and feces. Chortle with Rhett as he sprays misogyny across Georgia like an alley cat with a urinary tract infection. Pray with the Confederacy as it bravely attempts to defend time-honored traditions of patriarchal subjugation, racist contempt for human life and belligerent arrogance bordering on the psychotic. Boo and hiss as uppity Negroes humiliate the once proud South by asking for things like civil rights and a decent standard of living. Cheer for Scarlett (again) as she pops all her scruples like over-ripe zits in her pathological quest for a goal even she doesn’t understand. And finally, share in the triumph of the filmmakers as they achieve the astounding feat of creating sympathy and admiration for one of the most sordid and shameful chapters in American history. Can you think of any reason modern audiences might not be totally pleased with this sugar-coated atavism? I sure can’t.

One of the worst films ever made, period. I will never, ever, understand the fascination with this film, it is awful in so many ways:
1) It is at least 2 hours too long, it just goes on and on and on and you wish someone would just put these people (and you) out of their misery.
2) Had nothing (repeat, NOTHING) to do with the Cival War. If you want a movie about the Cival War then watch GLORY, the best Cival War movie ever made. It is nothing more than an Episode of Dynasty with nice sets and costumes.
3) So full of stereotypes it makes you cringe. From the southern Belles who act as if lifting a feather is too difficult for them, to the black slaves who do everything but eat watermelon, it is just sickening to watch.
4) The script: I could do better in my sleep “Oh Rhet, Oh Scarlett, Oh Melanie, Yankees in Georgia? Oh Honey Lamb !” Oh give me a break !!!
5) The acting: “Oh Rhet, Oh Scarlett, Oh Melanie”

The list goes on and on, if only this film had burned with Atlanta and saved us all from Ted Turner broadcasting it every other day. I’m tired of people thinking that this is some great american film. Yeh, and “The Jetsons” is the best TV show ever made, jeeez. This film is totally stupid, the only reason I gave it one star is for the lavish sets and costumes.

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