‘Twas the Night Before Election and Slapping Cheese Fountains – What I Learned Today – Monday, November 2

‘Twas the night before election and I wish I could give you a prediction. The thing is, I really have no clue what we’re in for over the next few days or weeks. I read a lot of news, pollsters, election experts, pundits, etc, and, really, nobody has an inkling of an idea of what will happen.  There are just too many variables with mail-in votes and Trump’s inevitable fuckery.  It looks like a lot will hinge upon how Pennsylvania goes. The polls there are fairly close with Biden clinging to a slim lead.  As to everything else, let me map out my two views of what may happen in my mind at least.

The (Extremely) Optimistic View: Trump’s constant attacks on mail-in voting over the past few weeks has backfired which mobilized a record number of early voters who went to the polls to vote in person, or drop their ballots off in dropnboxes bypassing the mail altogether. The people who sat out 2016 because they didn’t like “that woman” have realized how dangerous Trump is, especially given how he has handled the pandemic, and flock to the polls en masse to vote against him. The battleground states all break toward Biden with enough of a cushion that the major networks call the race over early Wednesday morning.  Trump cries foul, declares that there is massive voter fraud, and attempts to stop the counting of any more mail-in ballots which would only add to Biden’s lead. His lawyers and cronies try to contest votes in Pennsylvania, North Carolina, and any other state where it was close. These all fizzle out in court. Trump tries some more legal wrangling that will draw out for a few more weeks before the election is certified for Biden. I won’t even guess what Trump will do with his final 3 months in office besides pardoning himself before January 20th while announcing he has partnered with OAN which is being rebranded as Trump News Network. Post-presidency, he still gives press conferences with the presidential seal and still does campaign rallies in an attempt for a 2024 comeback as he rages against immigrants as his lawyers try to fight off New York State’s subpoenas and warrants.

The Pessimistic View: Unfortunately, I only have the one optimistic view and I have about 60 pessimistic views but I’ll combine and limit them here.  Pennsylvania does not break for Biden. We wake up Wednesday morning and it is a toss up with millions of uncounted votes. The other battleground states are too close to call and also have millions of votes to count which they estimate will take them several weeks. Despite Biden being up by millions of votes nationwide, the electoral college is in shambles. Trump declares victory at 2AM on Wednesday morning and his lawyers immediately attempt to file emergency injunctions to prohibit the counting of any remaining ballots. These get overturned in the lower courts but work their way up to the Supreme Court very quickly. The Senate retains a slim majority and Mitch McConnell agrees with Trump saying “we can’t allow this election to go on for weeks.” Trump’s militias starts parading through streets with “Fuck Your Feelings” flags billowing over their assault rifles as they attempt to disrupt where the votes are being tallied. (The pessimistic view can get very dark very fast) The Supreme Court steps in and the resulting decision agrees with Trump. Millions of mail-in votes are not counted and will never be counted giving Trump slim enough margins to win the electoral college and a second term. He immediately fires Fauci, despite the fact that he really doesn’t have power to do so, and fires Christopher Wray along with anybody else who did not lick his boots enough during the campaign and replaces them all with the most fervent of sycophants. I’ll stop here before I get to the federal anti-mask mandates and micro-chipping of people who look a little immigrantish.

Being a pragmatist, I think the optimistic version is way off base. I don’t really expect to have a winner declared on Tuesday night, nor Wednesday morning.  We’ll be fortunate if we have a winner this week given the mail-in votes. I do expect Trump to declare victory at some point Tuesday night or Wednesday morning. That’s what he does.  Reality isn’t even a speed bump in his decayed and rotting brain. It really does annoy me that in order to win the Democratic nominee now has to win by an overwhelming majority while the Republican nominee, just has to lose by enough votes to cause a stink in order to win.

As always, leave your thoughts in the comments.

The Trump campaign, who seem to enjoy a good metaphor, once again left their supporters to freeze when they had no plan to shuttle them back to their cars at the end of the Moronberg Rally.


Trump is saying that he will fire Dr. Fauci if he wins a 2nd term.


Parents in Florida are suing a school board over a mask mandate. Record number of coronavirus cases burning through the US right now and we’re still having to deal with the stupidest of people who are doing everything in their power to infect others.

Dr. Fauci does not like where we are headed.

Europe is locking down because Covid-19 is ramping up again.

Stanford researchers believe that Trump rallies may have led to 30,000 covid infections and over 700 deaths. And that’s before his superspreader marathon weekend.


A metro in the Netherlands broke through an emergency stop barrier and was saved by a whale’s tail.


Some urban exploration of a McMansion owned by a former athlete which had to be abandoned because of the upkeep costs.


A man attempts putting cheese in a chocolate fountain. Does not go well:

But, there’s a moral to this story. If you have a dream, never give up.  Work as hard as possible to overcome your obstacles and the reward will be a glorious fountain of gooey cholesterol.