February 2013
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Day February 4, 2013

Homeless Hitchhiker Uses Hatchet to Subdue Deranged Racist Jesus Christ

Waiting for the auto-tuned version:

Investigators say around 2 p.m. Friday, a 55-year old man crashed into three PG&E employees who were working at the corner of McKinley and Marks in Fresno.

“It was an intentional act. It appears to be at this point,” said Sgt. Mike Severson of the Fresno Co. Sheriff’s Dept.

People nearby ran over to help the man who was pinned between the car and truck. According to witnesses, the driver then flipped out.

“He was yelling he was Jesus Christ and he tried to pull the PG&E guy who was stuck in between the cars, but he was still stuck,” said Gloria Rios, a witness.

Tonya Baker tried to get the suspect to calm down. Then suddenly, she was being attacked.

“The guy came after me and put me in a bear hug and started hitting on me. For what reason, I don’t know,” said Tonya Baker, a witness.

The situation grew even stranger when a homeless man, who was reportedly in the passenger seat of the suspect’s car, tried to pry the man off of Baker. The task was too tough, so he resorted to using a hatchet to knock out the suspect.


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