1. I’m a firm believer in the idea that people who drive SUVs are assholes 90% of the time. I formed this hypothesis in my time spent in an upper middle class suburb where I noticed that most people who drive SUVs tend to be assholes. Also I’ve had the pleasure of speaking with several SUV owners who seemed to think that the higher vantage point of an SUV did indeed tend to correlate with less than saintly behavior on the road.

      1. Your sampling might be a little bit skewed seeing as most people who live in upper middle class suburbs are pig-assholes, but in general it’s much as you say.

  1. One time I stopped in traffic to help a turtle get across the road. It was one of those “gator snappers” and as I tried to nudge it with my foot the fucker swung his neck around and nearly bit through my shoe. Those bastardds are ornery! I’m glad I didn’t try picking it up or I would have lost at least a finger or two.

    1. I pulled the rubber from a wiper-blade and let a big snapper bite into it. After that, it was pretty easy to drag him/her the rest of his/her way across.

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