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  21. donkey’s eyes bulged in shock as he overheard Jesus describing to the young lady on the other side of the invisible glass what a conjugal visit was

  22. “Okay, so now if you go over and touch the donkey, the circuit should be complete. If this works, I can finally go into electric engineering and leave the dead-end world of carpentry behind.”

  23. “Mom, you know I love you, and I’m always happy to see you, but I rode all the way out here to help you make pita bread? You’ve got two perfectly good hands, you can flatten them yourself.”

  26. We all played this game as kids:
    “Now, with your left hand, rub your thumb and forefinger up and down both of our hands at the same time. Feels weird, doesn’t it?”

    1. “And–I think we’re doing this right–if you look through it, it looks like a vagina.”
      “Look through what?”
      “The hole. Don’t you have one?”
      “No, is this what vaginas are supposed to look like?”
      “How should I know?”

      1. I remember not understanding that the first time someone showed me that trick.
        “OK, now, open your palms a little bit. What’s that look like?”
        “It looks like the space between your fingers.”
        “No, no. Dude – what does it… look like?”
        “I dunno. Let’s go to the 7-11 and play Pac-Man or something.”

  30. ‘The ‘Homeless, please help’ sign only got me dirty looks, but with this ‘Son of God’ bit we’re get a mule, bread, anything we want! That was a great idea! Gimme some skin, hustlah!”

  33. When I hang out with the Trinity, my Father and I like to perform this thing called the Eiffel Tower on the Holy Ghost. See how it works?

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