Here’s one way to respond to that nonsensical saying:
On the way home from our vacation/hospital-stay, Victor and I ended up traveling with a very well-meaning man who wouldn’t stop talking about how God put me in the hospital on purpose because apparently He hates me.
Stranger: Well, God doesn’t close a door without opening a window.
Victor: Well that explains why our electric bill was so high. Because God doesn’t understand how expensive air-conditioning is.
Stranger: That’s…not what that phrase means.
me: I bet Jesus has to deal with this shit all the time. God’s always leaving the windows open at home…accidentally letting Jesus’ cat out. That sort of thing.
Victor: Right? And then Jesus would be like “Dad. STOP LEAVING ALL THE WINDOWS OPEN. WERE YOU BORN IN A BARN?”
Religious stranger: *stunned silence*
Comments
11 Comments so far. Leave a comment below.He must have determined if he “wouldn’t stop talking” after that!
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Bwa-hahahahahahahaa.
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God also never flushes the toilet or cleans the sink when he’s done. It’s some kind of allegory for opportunity… or capitalism. I forget.
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I like how you call your hospital stay a vacation. For that money you could probably get a suite at the Four Seasons but with less invasive instruments.
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God also never cuts his bear or his hear, and that’s why he looks like a hipster.
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God never writes down your messages or even tells you somebody called.
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God leaves the goddamn toilet seat up every…single…time…
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Eddie Pepitone had a good line in a recent episode of “Puddin’”
“We’re all just a piece of corn in God’s shit pipe”
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By “window” do you mean “bottle”? That’s how my family interpreted it, anyhow.
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And its a good thing he opens a window so you can jump out and kill yourself rather than being trapped in the damn room by the inconsiderate asshole.
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When people tell me that god never gives people anything they can’t handle, I always add, “Until he kills you.”
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