Get Cynical

How are you doing?

No, seriously. How are you? I’m exhausted. You can see this reflected in how little I’ve posted lately. I can’t even gather the energy to post a Caption This. And I’m just posting those. MacCrocodile and Dale do the heavy lifting on those.

So regular commenters and lurkers alike. How are you?

Here’s one way to respond to that nonsensical saying:

On the way home from our vacation/hospital-stay, Victor and I ended up traveling with a very well-meaning man who wouldn’t stop talking about how God put me in the hospital on purpose because apparently He hates me.

Stranger: Well, God doesn’t close a door without opening a window.

Victor: Well that explains why our electric bill was so high. Because God doesn’t understand how expensive air-conditioning is.

Stranger: That’s…not what that phrase means.

me: I bet Jesus has to deal with this shit all the time. God’s always leaving the windows open at home…accidentally letting Jesus’ cat out. That sort of thing.

Victor: Right? And then Jesus would be like “Dad. STOP LEAVING ALL THE WINDOWS OPEN. WERE YOU BORN IN A BARN?”

Religious stranger: *stunned silence*

It turns out that The Matrix shootout scene syncs up perfectly to “Mambo #5″ if you start the song on the lion’s third roar… or something.

(via Buzzfeed)

(via Arbroath)