1. An infinite being with supernatural powers was no match for a mortal man who looked at the facts.

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    1. Well, for one thing, Darwin was able to observe what worked and what didn’t, adapting his attacks with each successive blow. Jesus, on the other hand, relied a little too heavily on that right cross.

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  2. “Prince-of-Peace! Prince-of-Peace mother fucker! Say it! Say it! Say I am the god damned fucking Prince-of-Peace or I will rip your head off and shit down your neck! Say it!”

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  3. The freewheelilng rules of the fight allowed hair pulling, giving Charles a distinct advantage.

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  4. This was not the first time the police had been called to the Darwin-Christ household. Mr. Darwin stood there, his face swollen and bruised, while Jesus paced with agitation in the corner.

    “Sir, did he do this to you?” asked the officer. At first, Charles made no reply. He looked over at Jesus.

    “Sir, don’t look at him,” asserted the officer, “Please just answer my question. Did he hit you? We can’t help you if you don’t help us.”

    “Yes,” Charles finally said, “But only because he loves me! I know he didn’t mean it; he just… works in mysterious ways.”

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  5. This isn’t a caption, but it reminds me of the fight between Darwin and Kor-guu in The Sandwalk Adventures by Jay Hosler. Kor-guu the giant purple space beetle challenged Darwin to a fight in which only the fittest survived, and Darwin won because he had kids and Kor-guu did not.
    (My dad gets us the best comic books.)

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  6. The first rule of Diety Fight Club is: you do not talk about Diety Fight Club. The second rule of Diety Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Diety Fight Club!

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  7. It all started when Darwin called Jesus a ‘fairy’ and Jesus responded by calling Darwin ‘monkey-boy.’

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  8. Darwin: ‘And some fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up, and choked it, and it yielded no fruit.
    And other fell on good ground, and did yield fruit that sprang up and increased; and brought forth, some thirty, some sixty, and some an hundred.’

    Jesus: ‘That’s my parable, thieving limey bastard!’

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  9. …and then Darwin showed how the eye was a result of simple evolution by promptly removing Jesus’s and demonstrating.

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