Unable to find better work in the down economy, Jesus takes a job as Dr. Jacobson’s secretary.
Like or Dislike: 6 0
“When I snap my fingers you will cluck like a chicken.”
Like or Dislike: 2 0
“Does it say anything in your medical book about fixing holes in hands and feet? C’mon, man. I’m bleeding out here.”
Like or Dislike: 9 0
Doctor, doctor, gimme the news. I got a bad case of loving Jews.
Like or Dislike: 28 0
Haaa!!! Awesome. Not so awesome that will be stuck in my head all day though
Dr. Jones showed tremendous restraint when the carpenter overstepped his bounds again.
Like or Dislike: 14 0
“See? It says dilation and then curettage.”
Like or Dislike: 5 0
“Turn the page already! I swear, you must be the world’s slowest reader!”
“See, this is the one I wanted you to see. You can see Garfield has a serious problem with Mondays. Of course, an actual talking cat would be an abomination deserving of death, but I think in this context, it’s rather humorous.”
Like or Dislike: 11 0
‘Jesus’ once again slips out of his room on the Mental Disabilities wing of the hospital to pay Doctor Griffen a visit.
“Ok, now let’s look up ‘vagina.’”
Like or Dislike: 17 0
“So take out this part about the dinosaurs and add something about God putting the oil there himself.”
Like or Dislike: 1 0
“Well here’s your problem. This is the Old Testament!”
“Excuse me, doctor, I think I know a thing or two about treating leprosy. What’s all this about ‘antibiotics’? Where’s the covering of the upper lip? the bald head? the shouting ‘Unclean! Unclean!’ This book is useless.”
Like or Dislike: 15 0
“Cialis or Viagra, I don’t care which. I just need a refill.”
Like or Dislike: 4 0
“Whoa. Who still uses the phone book, doc. Get out of the Bronze Age and Google it.”
Like or Dislike: 0 0
Maybe if I ignore him he’ll go away.
“If it’s all the same, I’d rather not get a tetanus shot. I’ve had enough things poked through my skin, thanks. Are you sure there’s no other treatment for lockjaw?”
“Bam! What did I tell you. 1963, The Birds starring Tippi Hedren, not Kim Novak! You owe me a hundred bucks, doctor. Too bad; you could have spent that money on an internet connection, and we could settle these things faster next time.”
Look, if you’d stop pouting and actually read the books on how the procedures are done, you’d have a helluva lot less malpractice suits against you!
I’m not a real messiah, but I play one on TV.
Like or Dislike: 3 0
I don’t know about you, doc, but I swore to uphold the Hypocritical Oath.
See? I told you! It’s right here in the big book of psychological disorders. “Munchausen by Proxy” Dad makes me suffer so He can get all the attention!
Like or Dislike: 22 0
Science, schmience. Let me show you how it’s done.
Are you SURE?! Because the last guy I worked for said Propofol was fairly safe.
I swear if this guy tells the “It hurts when I do this…” joke one more time I’m gonna pop him one.
Jesus…. don’t… .fucking…. touch…. me
This guy behind me is really pissing me off.
Nah, doc, trust me. Propofol’s a way safer bet.
btw so far MacCroc and Grug are neck-and-neck at 5 captions each, but Dale’s leading the field with 8…
“Please focus. The test is tomorrow, and if you think wearing a white coat is enough to make you a doctor, clearly you need to study.”
Like or Dislike: 1 1
“Really? Your cancer patients are still sick and dying? Guh, it’s like you’re not even trying to heal the sick.”
That’s good, too. I really like your work.
“A 4 goes here, and a 6 here…”
“Do you mind, Jesus? Would you like your own sudoku book?”
Like or Dislike: 7 0
“Really? White at this time of year? Have a look at this nice off-white linen color. You might consider getting a lab coat in this material.”
I’m just going to boost my numbers by telling MacCrocodile how much I like his comments.
Like or Dislike: 3 1
God forbid any of those comments should come with a thumbs up…
Besides, we’re counting captions here. I still count myself as in the lead, but if someone could come up with a thumb count, we could settle this once and for all.
Look jesus, fuck off, this is science not magic.
Staph infection… stenosis of the arteries… strep throat… This can’t be right, doc! Where’s stigmata?
Christian Scientist? You’re doin’ it wrong. Here, let me take your textbooks and microscope away from you and try again.
This may seem a little uncomfortable, but when I tell you, turn to the left and cough.
Dammit, Jesus! I’m a doctor not a carpenter!
I know I’m not 40 yet, doc, but I really want you to check my rectory.
Gruggach bringing the religious puns today!
“One of your patients requested a cross examination.”
I don’t know how to break this to you, Mr. Christ, but the radioation treatments seem to have had an unexpected side effect. You see… it’s about that glow around your head…
It says right here: 1 million angels cna dance on the head of a pin. Fire up the microscope Mr. Science Guy and I’ll show you!
After years of Vicodin abuse, Dr. House begins to hallucinate.
If you had spent more time washing your hands rather than having your feet washed we wouldn’t be having this chat about your hepatitis now, would we?
“No, Jesus, I’ve looked a thousand times. The Bible doesn’t describe any treatments for Influenza A or B! I guess they’re all going to die.”
“There, see for yourself. It is not spelled ‘LORDosis’, or even ‘Lordosis’, and it has nothing to do with you. What you have is melanoma.”
“I’m sorry, Jesus, we did everything we could for your father, but I’m afraid he didn’t make it. Doctor Nietzsche will be in shortly to discuss your options.”
Jehova started with an I, but he finished with a myocardial infarction.
Can it be?!? Yes! Oh, praise His name, my boner is back!
Jesus, dressed only in his open backed hospital gown, turns the other cheek.
“I’m telling you, Doc, those idiotic Pro-Lifers are coming to bomb the clinic! We gotta get out of here!”
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