45 comments

  1. After the gig there will be a serving of five burgers and two hot dogs.

    I just hope there’s enough for everybody.

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  2. Newly discovered photos show that early in his career, Robert Johnson was a white guy. He only turned African American after his infamous deal with the devil

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  3. “We three, we’re all alone / living in a memory / my echo, my shadow and me.”

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  4. Needless to say, the beast was stunned.
    Whip-crack went his Whoopy tail,
    And the beast was done.
    He asked us: “(snort) Be you angels?”
    And we said, “Nay. We are but men.”
    Rock!
    Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah,
    Ohhh, whoah, ah-whoah-oh!

    This is not The Greatest Song in the World, no.
    This is just a tribute.
    Couldn’t remember The Greatest Song in the World, no, no.
    This is a tribute, oh, to The Greatest Song in the World,
    All right! It was The Greatest Song in the World,
    All right! It was the best muthafuckin’ song the greatest song in the world.

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  5. Despite his natural rhythm and perfect pitch, Jesus’s musical career never really took off, as at least twice per concert a nail would catch on his guitar strings, and he’d have to take a break to replace the strings.

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    1. The other problem was, no matter how long the fans stayed and how much they cheered and clapped, he never returned for an encore.

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      1. Well, he did once, but only after three days. The audience was long gone. Some people went back and are still there, two thousand years later, chanting “Encore! Encore!”

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  6. “Played until my fingers bled…..— uh…. actually, that’s not my fingers bleeding, but you know what I mean — ….It was the summer of ’69”

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  7. “You gotta keep the devil…down in the hole”

    Thank you, thank you…I’ll be here for the rest of eternity. TRY THE VEAL!

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  8. Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be resurrected. Nothin’ to do no where to go-o-oh I wanna be resurrected. Just get me to the manger, put me on a plane. Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
    I can’t control my fingers I can’t control my brain
    Oh no no no no no…. (Yeah, yeah, ANY excuse to use a Ramones lyric. Sue me.)

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  9. Pretty girl on the hood of a Cadilac, yeah….
    She’s broken down on freeway nine.
    I take a look and her engine’s started,
    I leave her purring and I roll on by….bye bye

    Free love on the free love freeway,
    The love is free and the freeway’s long…

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  10. Jesus of Nazareth.

    Oh man, am I ever going to get razz amanazzed for that one.

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  11. Jesus introduces the six string guitar to his followers. Instantly he becomes bigger than The Beatles.

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  12. I DON’T CARE IF IT RAINS OR FREEZES
    ‘LONG AS I GOTS MY PLASTIC JESUS
    RIDIN ON THE DASHBOARD OF MY CAR

    I DON’T CARE IF ITS DARK N SCARY
    ‘LONG AS I GOTS MAGNETIC MARY
    RIDIN ON THE DASHBOARD OF MY CAR

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  13. Unfortunately, Father Brown and the other Priests weren’t happy about this new discovery.

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  14. “Well there once were two cowboys all alone on the trail.
    And they discovered that they could sleep with another male.
    Started having gaysex, cowboy gaysex..”

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  15. Went to a party
    I danced all night
    I drank 16 beers
    And I started up a fight

    But now I am jaded
    You’re out of luck
    I’m rolling down the stairs
    Too drunk to fuck

    Too drunk to fuck
    Too drunk to fuck
    Too drunk, to fuck
    I’m too drunk, too drunk, too drunk
    To fuck

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  16. I am just all right with me,
    I am just all right with me,
    I am just all right with me,
    I am just all right….

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  17. Me, I know it ain’t easy, I know how hard it can be.
    The way things are going, They’re gonna crucify me…
    again.

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