In webinar hell this morning. So amuse yourselves until I get back.
“Attention, everybody. There are some bad loaves and fishes going around. Do not eat of the brown fishes. Thank you, now back to the sermon.”
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Anything Vishnu does I can do better.
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“You’re gonna need a bigger cross.”
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Fetch the nail-gun…
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If you are ever on psychedelics and see this guy, DO NOT ask him to arm wrestle!
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I am a little bit top heavy…can someone get me a cross so I can prop myself up?
“… and Jesus said ‘Bring them to me,” and he looked up to Heaven and gave thanks, and gave them all handjobs, and they were all satisfied.”
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Oh shit, we’re gonna need some more nails.
27 Then saith He to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing.
28 And Thomas felt the wounds in His hands, and they were there for about an hour.
29 And after that time, Thomas had only gotten to about half the hands, and the Lord said: Really, Thomas? You have to feel all of them to be convinced? I don’t mean to sound impatient, but I’ve got places to be.
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“I’ve got a surprise for you. If you can guess which hand it’s in, you can have it. You only get seventeen guesses.”
Jesus: Keeping Speed Stick in Busniness Since 4 AD
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“I will make you fishers of men, but first I will make us the best cabaret act in Galilee. I’ve got this routine planned out, but I need eight to twelve other guys for the visual to work. It’ll be hot. You’re okay with nudity, right?”
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I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sky!
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In this universe, giving the sign of the cross is an elaborate ordeal that can take up to ten minutes to complete.
9inch nails? Who they? What I need is 18 inch nails!
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He died so that all starfish might live.
He died for your fins.
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“It’s fun to stay at the
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“Ahhh, jeez. Yeah, so it looks like this job is gonna cost a bit more than we originally said in our estimate. We did not realize on the original walkthrough that there were so many arms in here. We’re looking at at least nine times as many nails as we thought, and maybe as much as a dozen extra boards for that cross. This guy is definitely not up to code.”
Psychedelic snow angel.
Before Bullet-time, there was Nail-time.
The ascension wasn’t miraculous. His hummingbird arms provided all the lift needed.
“I just flew in from LA and, boy, are my arms tired.
The skirt is divine but I’m having a helluva time finding a shirt that fits.
And on air-guitar, Jesus performs the classic children’s gospel song, “He’s got the whole world in his hand hand hand hand hand…”
Jesus and his Amazing Technicolor Acid Trip
N – B – Jeeeez . . . brought to you in living color!
Let he who is without sin cast the first 18 stones.
If you sit on the left 9 hands and then masturbate, it feels like it’s someone else doing it…
How the hell does Shiva do this all day?
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