1. “Knock knock. You guys? Can I come in, please? I swear I won’t mess anything up, just let me into your world government thing. Please?”

  2. Why am I not invited? I can see the Spaghetti Monster, Buda, Zeus, and the others sitting there. Come on!! I promise I won’t get as drunk as last time.

  3. To stop those monsters 1-2-3,
    Here’s a fresh new way that’s trouble-free,
    It’s got Paul Anka’s guarantee…
    Just don’t look! Just don’t look!

  4. “I fear you have misunderstood me.

    My people breed WARRIORS, gentlemen, warriors to fight for us across the galaxy. You’re pirmitive savagery is an issue here but it has not bred true.

    You fight erratically and clumsily. You’re weapons are shockingly crude and what’s worst…you long for peace. But I thank you for a most amusing day. You people have a delightful sense of the absurd. As your fine Earth actor Edwin Wynn once said, ‘Dying is easy; comedy is hard.'”

  5. This is going to go over a lot of people’s heads:

    Oh my darlin’
    Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me
    Mmmm twice on the pipe if the answer is no
    Oh my sweetness
    Means you’ll meet me in the hallway
    Oh twice on the pipe means you ain’t gonna show.

      1. Somebody had to do it. 😉 Back when I was actually on a real radio station I’d do that sort of stuff all the time. I can’t tell you how many complaints we got when I played the song “Yummy, Yummy, Yummy” by Ohio Express. At 2:45 a.m… NOT the song you want in your head. 😉

  6. “I’m here to overide America’s veto on the Palestinian issue. Sorry about those Teabaggers I accidentally stepped on on the way over here. Anybody got a stick? They stink, and I need to scrape them off my sandals.”

  7. You take a block from the bottom and you put it on top
    You take a block from the middle and you put it on top
    That’s how you build the tower you just don’t stop

  8. This new cabinet from Ikea is going to be GREAT!

    It has plenty of room for all my toy cars and people and at night it is going to look so cool with that color-changing light behind all of them.

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