Ok, for the blog’s birthday, the winner of today’s caption contest will be given a $25 Amazon gift certificate. The winner will be the person with the most thumbs ups by 11pm EST. Be sure to give a valid email address and put as many captions as you want.
Update:
5 hours left. Be sure to vote for the captions you like best.
Update 2:
And congrats to Giuliana for her winning entry with 42 votes:
Getting ready for a hot date with Mary Magdalene- are my scars noticeable?
Thanks to everyone for playing.
Comments
86 Comments so far. Leave a comment below.Jesus pwns his friends by being the first to own the new iHalo.
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If heaven means I have to use an iPhone 2G, then you can count me out.
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Jesus Shaves.
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This would be funny if there was a razor in the picture… or he didn’t have a beard… or had shaving cream on…
As it is, it’s punny… but not a good caption.
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Oh for christ’s sake. It’s JESUS in the picture. We’ve already suspended reality!
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I tend to agree. Who are you to say that Jesus CAN’T shave with an iPhone? He can turn water into wine and come back to life, why can’t he transform the charger end of a white iPhone 3 into a razor?
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I only show up in ‘shops and the occasional potato crisp.
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The picture he send me before the date had halos and shit shopped in it, but when he showed up it was yet another 30 year old carpenter with open sores in his hands.
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If I won, I know what I’d buy from Amazon.com!
http://www.amazon.com/Historical-Figures-Action-Figure-Deluxe/dp/B000C9XB8W/ref=sr_1_2?s=toys-and-games&ie=UTF8&qid=1317213837&sr=1-2
“Jesus Action Figure Deluxe
* 5 1/2″ Tall And Fully Articulated!
The Jesus Action Figure, is truly a unique gift idea. … this wonderful Jesus character stands 5 1/4-inches tall and features glow-in-the-dark hands! He comes in an illustrated window box with 8 accessories: a jug, 2 fish, and 5 loaves of bread. Welcome him into your home today! The 2 miracles represented by this deluxe action figure show that he also sought to fill the basic needs of his friends and followers. The jug represents the miracle of turning water into wine. The fish and bread represent the miracle of transforming 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread into enough food to satisfy a hungry crowd of over 5,000 people. ”
Although I must say I’m disappointed at the 5 1/4″… I expected more from the big J.
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That’s great! Customers also liked the Moses action figure, and people who liked Moses also liked Sigmund Freud. http://www.amazon.com/Accoutrements-10884-Sigmund-Action-Figure/dp/B0006FU9DC/ref=pd_sim_t3
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Chris,
just a purely hypothetical question that I’ve always wondered, but can you see who has “liked” her own status from the IP address? Or who has “liked” it multiple times? Just curious since you put up the big creepy eyeball with “I am watching”…
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I can’t see it from any wordpress panels but since it only allows you to vote once from a specific ip, there has to be a record of it somewhere in the mysql db. I think.
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Getting ready for a hot date with Mary Magdalene- are my scars noticeable?
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Winrar?
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Well, so much for my streak. Congratulations!
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Mac, I just assumed you were insulted by an offer of cash and decided to throw this one.
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Nope. It just happened to be a busy day at work. Someone else made a better cash offer for my time.
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For the record, you should feel free to offer me cash whenever, for whatever reason.
I don’t have a gun, but I can get one if you have enough cash.
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All those years in Heaven, and no one ever explained to Jesus the importance of having a strong password on his phone.
OR
Armageddon began over such a mundane act of hacking.
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Steve Jobs in the bathroom.
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Jobs is in his bathroom; All’s right with the world.
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Not what I meant, but much better.
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“Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary!”
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Warning: do not take your jPod into the bathroom, or you may suffer from Jesus Transmogrification Syndrome (JTS)
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Well, now I know who took my iPod, but the answer just raises further questions.
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Top THAT Droid.
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I caN’t top “Jesus Shaves.”
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Shocking New Photos Stolen from Jesse Johansson’s iPhone!
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YHWH: Jesus Christ, why did you take a picture of yourself standing in our bathroom?
Jesus: Dad, get off Facebook, you just don’t get it!
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Jesus is photobombed by a fan.
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Jesus imagined a reverse world in his mirror where Republicans didn’t use his name so much but did follow his teachings.
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Online
3000 megaparsecs away
33 years old
5’8
135 lbs
White
Currently
Single
Looking For
Chats, Dates,
Friends, Relationship
ISO followers
Chill guy looking to hang out with friends. Not into money changing– ub2. I make my own wine. DDF and I’ll can you DDF too. No scribes, pharisees, or hypocrites– sorry, just my preference.
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Wow, this will be the best Facebook profile picture EVER!
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Mary thought this self-portrait of Jesus was cute until she read the text that came with it: “Hey babe, like this pic? Check out my rod and staff in the next one. -luv J.”
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Check out my new phone! Planned obsolescence my ass, this thing is timeless.
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Download the Jesus Booth App today to make you and your friends look like the Savior himself! WEEKEND SALE! From now until The Rapture, Jesus Booth is only 99 cents! That’s an 80% drop in price!
#1 iPHONE PAID GAME in more dimensions than we can count! Including Earth, Heaven and Hell!
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His roommates warned him never to share his pics on judaslist, but Jesus thought, “what could go wrong?”
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After fucking up photo after photo, it dawned on Jesus that they might come out better WITHOUT the flash.
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I just cant get rid of this case of heartburn!
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Narcissists 3:16
(Might posted twice by accident. If so, apologies.)
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And lo, the Lord said “Mine will be the most emo myspace photo of all. These kids can’t compete with stigmata!”
And the Angel said unto him, “Jesus Christ, no one uses Myspace anymore. Stop taking your photo in the bathroom.”
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And you thought it took your girlfriend an eternity to get ready in the bathroom!
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I’M HOT SHIT
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Bitches don’t know bout my resurrection
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Go on and be jealous HATERS, I am one HOT Biaaaccchhh!!!!!
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Thanks to my new Iphone app, I found Little Bo Peep, her sheep and her hat! Jesus, I’m AWESOME.
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“Hey guys! I’m down 20 pounds over the last three days! How do I look?”
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christ, what an emo
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Bathroom Jesus sez: “Cynical-C is the wittiest, bestest blog EVAR!”
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“Got a new tunic. Does it make my grotesque external heart look fat?”
Man, I have one busy morning of work, and I miss out on all the fun.
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Stigmata or GTFO
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Yeah, AT&T has an exclusive contract with Heaven, too.
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You have seen me on toast, you have seen me in a frying pan. Now see me in the bathroom mirror. I’m putting this on eBay.
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Listening to an Apple iPod a day keeps Original Sin away:
“Don’t bite the apple, Eve, caught up in the in crowd . . . Dad dammit, Jay-Z writes some phat lyrics.”
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If this is what you see in your bathroom mirror, it’s time to talk to the nice doctor about increasing your meds dosage.
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From: yeshua01@gmail.com
To: judaskiss@hotmail.com
Subject: Face pic
Here’s that pic you wanted. Don’t go spreading this around. I need to be discreet.
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I know, I know, this is only a Iphone4, I lost my Iphone5 in a bar in S.F.
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Jesus obviously isn’t one of the cool kids. He’s not shirtless OR sporting a duck face!
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JeSuS ChRiSt shared a link:
Chek out my sweet new tat, yo!
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Before Facebook self-portraits there was the Good Book self-portrait.
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Hey, your sister’s a cardiologist, right? Can you show her this pic and ask if this is normal?
Halos before bros before hos.
Lava mecum, baby.
omm u guyz totz ready 4 da clubs tonite1 HOLLA-lujah
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I’m a little disappointed to see bathrooms in heaven aren’t a little nicer.
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“Must not do the fish-face…. Must not do the fish-face…”
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The trouble is that when Jesus does the fish face, it’s enough fish face to irritate hundreds of people, with fish face to spare.
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Halo there!
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Jesus sees his reflection in the mirror, and is relieved to see he isn’t one of those twinky vampires. Sends photo to iCloud.
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Are you talkin’ to me?
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iGod
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Damn, I look good!
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Maybe that should be “Jesus Christ, I look good!”
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I LOVE the way this new conditioner gives my hair that special shine. It gives me such a FABULOUS glow!
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Buddy Christ put a lot of practice into getting his trademark pose just right. Fortunately, he came up with the Wink-And-Point shortly after this initial shot.
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Jesus getting in to the sexting game. Showing of his hot organ.
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Leave Jesus alone!!!
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Look! I’ve got a heart on!
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“LOL – Gettin ready 4a wild night out with the boyz!!1
Think Juday iz gay, bastard keeps trying to kiss me.”
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“oops – I meant Judass. Oh well, I’m ready now – off out with the ladz down to Gethsemane – gonna turn the fountain 2 wine & we’ll all get crazy!”
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Single white (or whatever race you happen to be) male, >2000 years old but check out this bod. I’m feeling thorny and want a call. I am handy with holes (or is it the other way around?), and I’ll hide my light under your bush. I’ll love you 4ever. Cross my heart and hope to die.
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Facebook Jesus died for ur EPIC WINS!!1!
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New vibrating app! Attach it to any part of your body. Jesus ‘hearts’ his heart.
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Miracle hairspray! Fan on full blast behind my head and not a single hair is out of place. Is there an app for that, hmm?
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OK is this your card?
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These contests are unfairly biased against residents of later time zones!
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Wow. Is there a prize for the most ‘dislikes’?
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And you still came in 2nd despite the controversy over razorgate.
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Tits of GTFO
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