1. when doing business with a religious son-of-a-bitch, get it in writing. His word isn’t worth shit, not with the good lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal.

  2. We’re adding a little something to this month’s sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize is you get to finger the stigmata.

    Kirk Cameron in “Glengary, Jesus Christ”

    1. I think maybe you’re confusing Kirk Cameron with Neil Patrick Harris, or “Growing Pains” with “Doogie Howser, M.D.” These are very different people and somewhat different shows.

      1. So was NPH attempting to portray Kirk Cameron in Harold and Kumar?

        I love how he wanted the credits to read NPH as NPH (rather than “as himself) so that people didn’t think that’s how he was in reality.

  3. Nice to meet you–Stephen Reynolds–just transferred from the Omaha branch. Right off the bat, I know what your probably thinking…”He looks like Jesus.” Whatever–I might look a little like him, but let me tell you, the joke gets old real fast and I find that irritating and unprofessional. That said, I do look forward to working with you.

  4. You remember, Jesus? He’ll be your account manager when you sign the contract. He’s agreed to take just ten percent of everything you own as a retainer.

  5. I want to introduce you to J.C. as our newest hire. He’s bringing with him an aggressive public relations and sales team, including door-to-door.

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