Target Field Guard Scolded Lesbian Twins Fans for Kissing

The security guard is a 10 commandment enthusiast:

?Taylor Campione and Kelsi Culpepper — two lesbian women from Minneapolis — were recently scolded by a Target Field security guard for what they call a “brief kiss.”

After seeing the quick peck on the lips, the guard told the women that “we don’t play grab ass here” and that they must “adhere to the 10 Commandments” while at the stadium.

“That ruined our entire evening,” says Campione. “We were super upset, we felt super uncomfortable.”

The security guard has since been reprimanded, but continues to work at the stadium, says Kevin Smith, a spokesman for the Twins.

Where to begin on this one? Which 10 Commandment says ‘Thou shalt not kiss and/or lesbianize?’ If the team steals a base does the security guard jump on the field screaming ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’. Why does this bigot still have a job where he has authority over people when it’s painfully obvious he doesn’t have the mental capacity? Was I the only person who didn’t know that the Twins were a sporting club and thought that the lesbians were sisters at first?


  1. Which set of Ten Commandments? Does the American League follow the Catholic version while the National League adheres to the King James?

    Silly people for thinking they were at a baseball game instead of church. I guess the sight of the beer vendor threw them off. Common mistake.

  2. Was I the only person who didn’t know that the Twins were a sporting club and thought that the lesbians were sisters at first?

    Yeah, I had my hopes up too.

  3. The agency said he was a long time employee & they put a letter of reprimand in his file.

    I would have asked him to list the commandments, my guess is he couldn’t. Either way I have a short list of questions that would follow & “Where is homosexuality on that list?” would be the first one. I would also have to ask him if he works Sunday games in violation of #5.

  4. I had to read the headline several times to figure out that they weren’t lesbian twins kissing at Target. I wasn’t sure what the hell a field guard was.

    Also, and I the only ones who hate the whole naming of public facilities after corporate sponsors? It just feels so cheap.

    1. Well the arena in which the Vancouver Canucks play has up until a year ago been called GM Place (a.k.a. The Garage) I guess the 15-year contract for naming rights expired, and it’s now Rogers Arena. Can’t say as I’m a fan of the change…

      First off, once you’ve been calling a place by one name for half your life, it seems wrong to change the name (Willis Tower anyone?) So I still call it GM Place, and I haven’t met a soul yet who gets confused by it.

      Second, Rogers Communications already has another venue, the Rogers Center in Toronto. Doesn’t that start to get confusing? How many venues do you need your name on? Rogers {Arena, Center, Place, Hall, Dome, Garden, etc…} Besides, if you can afford the naming rights to two major venues, there’s a chance that perhaps you could be gouging your customers too much. How about the Rogers Minimum-Security Orphanarium, or the Rogers Addiction Treatment Center?

      Also deemed noteworthy: The Canucks moved to GM Place one year after the ’94 Stanley Cup riot. In November 2002 there was another riot at GM Place when Guns N Roses cancelled their show. And, well, you saw what happened Wednesday…

  5. I’m still waiting until I can bring my homebrew and/or play garage rock to everybody in attendance at event of choice.

    Knowingly pushing buttons and then feigning ignorance is pretty passe..

    1. Yes, darn those two knowingly pushing buttons with a modest display of affection, almost like they were people or something. Does nobody think of the kneejerk bigots anymore?

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