Headline of the Day

Arizona’s Senate-Approved Birther Bill Could Force Presidential Candidates to Provide Documentation Describing What Their Penis Looks Like to Get on Ballot

The Arizona Senate formally passed the “Birther Bill” today, but not in its original version.

Apparently, requiring presidential candidates to provide a long-form birth certificate before allowing their names on the ballot in Arizona — despite it already being a federal requirement to run for president — was a bit too much for a few GOP lawmakers. So they made some amendments: if you can’t find your birth certificate, and you have a penis, a document describing your lack of foreskin will suffice.

A circumcision certificate — a document given to the parents of a male Jewish child after his foreskin is snipped off during a circumcision ceremony — is not a legal document (see an example of one here) but if you have one, under the amended bill, it’s apparently enough to prove you’re a U.S. citizen and your name can be permitted on the ballot in Arizona.


  1. Dear Abby,
    I’m a woman. I want to get on the Arizona ballot, God knows why. Do I have to provide a certificate stating that I have, in fact, had my first period? If so, how should I make it? They don’t exactly hand ’em out, you know.
    Bleeding in Arizona

    Dear Bleeding,
    I think a simple Powerpoint slide should suffice. Just make the font all curly and illegible, and you should be good.

    1. Maybe Ashton Kutcher moved up from pranks like faking the tax seizure of Justin Timberlake’s house. Punk’d ended in 2007, and he must have a lot of time on his hands…

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