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Arizona’s Senate-Approved Birther Bill Could Force Presidential Candidates to Provide Documentation Describing What Their Penis Looks Like to Get on Ballot

The Arizona Senate formally passed the “Birther Bill” today, but not in its original version.

Apparently, requiring presidential candidates to provide a long-form birth certificate before allowing their names on the ballot in Arizona — despite it already being a federal requirement to run for president — was a bit too much for a few GOP lawmakers. So they made some amendments: if you can’t find your birth certificate, and you have a penis, a document describing your lack of foreskin will suffice.

A circumcision certificate — a document given to the parents of a male Jewish child after his foreskin is snipped off during a circumcision ceremony — is not a legal document (see an example of one here) but if you have one, under the amended bill, it’s apparently enough to prove you’re a U.S. citizen and your name can be permitted on the ballot in Arizona.

Roger Ebert Reviews Atlas Shrugged

And gives it one star (out of four):

I feel like my arm is all warmed up and I don’t have a game to pitch. I was primed to review “Atlas Shrugged.” I figured it might provide a parable of Ayn Rand’s philosophy that I could discuss. For me, that philosophy reduces itself to: “I’m on board; pull up the lifeline.” There are however people who take Ayn Rand even more seriously than comic-book fans take “Watchmen.” I expect to receive learned and sarcastic lectures on the pathetic failings of my review.

And now I am faced with this movie, the most anticlimactic non-event since Geraldo Rivera broke into Al Capone’s vault. I suspect only someone very familiar with Rand’s 1957 novel could understand the film at all, and I doubt they will be happy with it. For the rest of us, it involves a series of business meetings in luxurious retro leather-and-brass board rooms and offices, and restaurants and bedrooms that look borrowed from a hotel no doubt known as the Robber Baron Arms.

During these meetings, everybody drinks. More wine is poured and sipped in this film than at a convention of oenophiliacs. There are conversations in English after which I sometimes found myself asking, “What did they just say?” The dialogue seems to have been ripped throbbing with passion from the pages of Investors’ Business Daily. Much of the excitement centers on the tensile strength of steel.

TSA Gives 8 Year Old Boy an “Enhanced Patdown”

From KGW.com:

Everything was fine until it was Heather’s son’s turn to go through the security checkpoint at Portland International Airport.

“It didn’t buzz like a normal buzz,” said Heather. “It beeped like a beep you normally don’t hear.”

Just like that little 8-year-old Spencer found himself in the company of a TSA agent. Heather snapped photos to show Spencer going through a full pat-down.

“They went up his leg, into that area, down the next leg, up here (chest), felt all over,” she explained.

Heather thought it crossed the line. Spencer did, too.

“I was confused,” he said. “I did not know what they were going to do to me.”

Obama Speech Causes Student Suicide

From Fox News (of course):

George Washington University students in Washington, D.C. learned of a tragic coincidence of timing on their campus Wednesday. As President Obama delivered a speech on deficit reduction in the Jack Morton Auditorium, university officials were learning one of their students had committed suicide in his dorm room across campus.

Fox News has learned that the male student may have been a junior at the school and was described as solitary. He rarely left his dorm room, according to a source.

“I am deeply saddened to report that the university has been notified of the death of one of our students,” GW President Steven Knapp said in a message to his students, faculty and staff. “The student was found in his room this afternoon at the City Hall residence hall,” he said.

GWU officials tell Fox that police were notified about the incident around 2pm, which happens to be at the same time that President Obama was speaking. A source tells Fox that the incident may have occurred earlier, noting that police went knocking on the student’s door at 1:30pm. As of this writing, Fox has not been able to obtain reaction from the White House.

Update:
Fox News has removed the article.