What’s your morning ritual?
*Curse at alarm clock. Wave hand in front of it to activate motion detecting snooze (the most dangerous feature ever invented).
*Curse at alarm clock again. Turn it off and curse parents for not aborting me.
*Stumble to the kitchen and turn the coffee maker on (The night before I added the coffee grounds and water. And I could learn to set the timer but I refuse on religious grounds (which is a good answer when you haven’t thought something out). Remove Kerrygold butter from fridge to let it soften a bit and leave the kitchen while swearing as much as possible.
*Open door to my study where Cynikitty has been locked away during the night (He jumps at our door if not jailed) where he bursts out and demands to be fed despite having a full bowl of dry food for him to graze at whenever he desires.
*Ignore leaping ball of fur and claws and brush my teeth and then jump in the shower. Somewhere around this point my eyes finally open.
*Finish shower and insert contacts, hopefully in an eye. This is the dangerous part. If I drop a contact here I’ll be too blind to find it.
*Pour coffee, and feed Cynikitty his breakfast (2 soft boiled eggs, glass of oj, kippers, a NY Times and a flower) while my english muffin toasts.
*Eat breakfast while going through emails sent by people who hate me because I posted a kitten YouTube clip twice now.
*Look at time. Curse. Dress. Swear. Rinse with mouthwash. Cuss. Grab lunch. Grab backpack. Leave house. Come back for keys. Leave house. Come back for cellphone. Leave house.