“I will report her to the fucking people that take fucking money from the wetbacks.”
From a legitimate news source:
KENEMA, SIERRA LEONE—Standing waist-deep in one of the many gravel pits that surround the city of Kenema, and struggling to fight off the harsh African sun, local diamond miner Muwomba D’akari was deeply saddened Monday to learn of Linda Hines and David Meyer’s recently canceled wedding engagement.
“Dave and Lulu? But that can’t be,” said D’akari, who in early 2009 awoke at dawn, dragged his meager frame eight miles to work, and spent half a day digging out the precious stone used by Meyer to propose to his then girlfriend. “The two of them, they were absolutely perfect for each other. David and Linda, they were so, so in love.”
The new captain jumped from the cockpit, fully dressed, and sprinted through the water. A former lifeguard, he kept his eyes on his victim as he headed straight for the owners who were swimming between their anchored sportfisher and the beach. “I think he thinks you’re drowning,” the husband said to his wife. They had been splashing each other and she had screamed but now they were just standing, neck-deep on the sand bar. “We’re fine, what is he doing?” she asked, a little annoyed. “We’re fine!” the husband yelled, waving him off, but his captain kept swimming hard. ”Move!” he barked as he sprinted between the stunned owners. Directly behind them, not ten feet away, their nine-year-old daughter was drowning. Safely above the surface in the arms of the captain, she burst into tears, “Daddy!”
How did this captain know, from fifty feet away, what the father couldn’t recognize from just ten? Drowning is not the violent, splashing, call for help that most people expect. The captain was trained to recognize drowning by experts and years of experience. The father, on the other hand, had learned what drowning looks like by watching television.
(via Gerry Canavan)
How awful…. I mean, I laughed uncontrollably because other people’s pain is my pleasure….. but still..
A page torn from a Christian science textbook which may or may not have been written by the Insane Clown Posse: