My wife likes the Twilight series…. And because our wedding vows said through sickness and in health, through the good movies and the ones featuring mindnumbingly vapid abstinence porn starring sparkle vampires… I had no choice but to accompany her to the latest chapter of The Good, The Bad and the Mormons. So for you faithful readers who want to know what the movie was about without actually suffering through it, I present to you my review of the new Twilight movie.
There were 16 steps leading up to my seat.
There were 64 lights on the wall leading up to my seat like a little runway, twinkling and waiting for a little plane that will never land.
There were 24 seats to a row and we were 14 rows up.
My first memory is from when I was about 3 years old in a crib begging my father to take me out while he was looking for socks in an old dresser.
My left thumb beat my right thumb 4 out of 5 times in a thumb wrestling match but only because I’m right handed and favor underdogs.
I can’t sleep sitting up. Even when I’m exhausted, the room is dark and I’m watching the cinematic equivalent of Ambien.
If I really try, I can remember pi to the 2nd digit. 3.1 something.
END CREDITS! GREAT FLICK.