The Monster Raving Loony Party

From the Metro:

Cameron – who comfortably won his seat of Witney with almost 34,000 votes – was stood next to Monster Raving Loony William Hill Party candidate Alan Hope (also known as Howling “Laud” Hope) at the declaration.

And while he must have been concerned by the prospects of the Conservatives failing to win an overall majority, Cameron raised a smile as he awkwardly shook hands with Hope.

Hope wasn’t the only unusual candidate running against Cameron – aslo standing was self-styled ‘comedy terrorist’ Aaron Barschak, who briefly gained notoriety in 2003 for gatecrashing Prince William’s birthday party dressed as Osama bin Laden.

They certainly have an admirable platform despite their party’s name:

* Refusing to sign up to the euro, but inviting the rest of Europe to join the £ pound
* Drivers can go straight over a roundabout when there’s no traffic coming “to make driving through Milton Keynes more fun”
* Traffic cops “too stupid” for normal police work to be retrained as vicars
* Withdrawal of MPs’ £118,000 expenses allowance, and the money “in future be distributed to the poor and needy so that they can waste it instead”
* Any MP whose constituency sells off a school playing field for development will be required to relinquish their own back garden as a replacement sports facility for the school
* All motorways to become massive cycle tracks instead
* All speed cameras will be abolished and replaced by a new device fitted to cars which will automatically slow down to the speed limit when driven though an infra-red beam
* The introduction of a 99p coin to “save on change”
* Banning semi-colons; no-one knows how to use them
* Banning vaccinations, to be replaced by nurses with shot guns to hide around playgrounds

Supreme Court Upholds Freedom Of Speech In Obscenity-Filled Ruling

From a legitimate news source:

WASHINGTON—In a decisive and vulgar 7-2 ruling, the U.S. Supreme Court once again upheld the constitution’s First Amendment this week, calling the freedom of expression among the most “inalienable and important rights that a motherfucker can have.”

“It is the opinion of this court that the right to speak without censorship or fear of intimidation is fundamental to a healthy democracy,” Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg wrote for the majority. “Furthermore, the court finds that the right to say whatever the hell you want, whenever the hell you want, is not only a founding tenet, but remains essential to the continued success of this nation.”

Added Ginsburg, “In short, freedom of speech means the freedom of fucking speech, you ignorant cocksuckers.”

Miami airport screener accused of attack after jeers at genitals

From the Miami Herald:

A Miami International Airport federal security screener has been arrested for allegedly using an expandable police baton to beat up a co-worker.

The source of their conflict, police say: daily ribbing about the size of the screener’s genitalia.

Screener Rolando Negrin’s private body parts were observed by his Transportation Security Administration colleagues conducting training on the airport’s full-body imaging machines.

Months of joking culminated on Tuesday night, when Negrin attacked co-worker Hugo Osorno in an employee parking lot, according to an arrest report.

Negrin “stated he could not take the jokes any more and lost his mind,” said the report, made public Thursday.

The agitated screener forced Osorno to his knees and made him apologize before whacking him on the back and arms with the baton, according to the report.

Negrin, who posted $7,500 bond on Wednesday night, is charged with aggravated battery.

Federal officials began using full-body scanning machines at airports across the nation in 2008, touting them as a high-tech, effective way to screen passengers for weapons or dangerous materials.

Screeners in a separate room view images of the human body, private parts and all, with the person’s face blurred. The machines have raised concerns from the American Civil Liberties Union, which says they represent an invasion of passengers’ privacy.

(via Boing Boing)

Hung parliament: What happens next?

From BBC News:

No party has been able to secure an outright majority in the House of Commons and there will now be a frantic period of negotiation to decide the shape of the next government.

The situation is described as a hung parliament, with no single party having enough MPs – 326 – to win parliamentary votes without the support of members of other parties.

Which party is in a position to form the next government will become clear in the following hours or days. Read on for an explanation of the options or see our election outcomes decision tree.

WHICH PARTY CAN TRY TO FORM THE GOVERNMENT?

Although the Conservatives have won the most seats, the largest party does not automatically have the right to try to form an administration.

As the incumbent prime minister, that right is Gordon Brown’s. Indeed, it is his duty to stay in office until it becomes clear which party or combination of parties can command the most support in the new parliament.

“We must always have a government, and until a new government can be formed the present government carries on,” explains Professor Robert Hazell, from the Institute for Government.

A similar situation arose in 1974, when Conservative Edward Heath stayed in power for four days after the election trying to put together a coalition even though Labour had more seats.