Not from The Onion:
Let it be known that if you are the manager of a teenage pop-music sensation and can’t tweet fast enough, you may face criminal penalties. That is what Scott Braun, the manager of the 16-year-old singer Justin Bieber, discovered on Wednesday when he was arrested on charges stemming from a November event at which Mr. Bieber’s fans caused a stampede during his appearance at a mall in Garden City, N.Y., The Associated Press reported.
At that time the police told Mr. Braun to send out a message on Twitter saying the event was canceled. A lawyer for Mr. Braun said he sent two tweets in seven minutes, but prosecutors say it took him nearly two hours to post the messages. (A lack of familiarity with the service was presumably not a problem, given Mr. Bieber’s perennial presence on Twitter’s Trending Topics list.)
Who the hell is Justin Bieber? (Yes! I know I can google it.)