Florida Vampire to Run for President

So far he’s the most sane GOP candidate:

TAMPA, Florida – Not satisfied with living in Florida, Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey wants to move to Washington, D.C. to become the nation’s first vampire president.

Sharkey, 45, spent Friday on a Greyhound bus with his new fiancee, Audrianna Foster, a 19-year-old girl from Ohio he met online. She too believes she is a vampire, or vampyre.

“I haven’t dated a girl older than 19 since 2006,” said the Tampa man as his 19-year-old daughter and his 2-year-old grandson met him at the Greyhound station. “It’s good to be me.”

“The Impaler” claims he’s a direct descendent of Vlad II the Impaler, better known as Dracula.

He has scheduled a Monday press conference in Tampa to announce his plans to file paperwork to run for President of the United States in 2012. He recently switched his party affiliation from Independent to Republican so he can run with the G.O.P.

10 Comments

  1. Sharkey vs Palin – can’t wait for that debte live on TV. Do TV cameras pick up vampires, or is it just mirrors that don’t reflect them ?

  2. Actually, I think he’d be the 2nd vampire President. IIRC, there were rumors that James Madison was one. I had toyed with a novel of that idea many years ago.

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