You Can’t Please Everyone – Jaws

One star Amazon reviews of classic movies, music and literature. Today we take a look at Jaws:

This movie is SOOOOOOOOOO bad! By far, the most overrated movie of the 70′s. What’s the big deal? And how many times can you say “Shark attack! Get out of the water!” in five minutes? Well, find out when and IF you rent this crap, even though everyone of Earth has seen it already.

They don’t show the shark until 5 minutes to the end of the movie, either! Every time a scary or suspenseful part comes, it turns out to be a fish or something in the water, but not the shark.

I can’t understand why JAWS continously pops up on ‘Greatest Horror Movie’
lists and critiques…it is NOT great, NOT a horror (more like horrible),
and while it IS a movie, it’s just not all that good to me. I guess most people like it because it has a lot of names involved with it. Maybe I’m biased because I am not a swimmer and have never been into water sports, but I just find it extremely boring after the first attack or two. There are far better movies as far as I am concerned…JAWS is one of my least favorite films, never liked it even as a kid.

Close Encounters of the Third Kind was AWESOME. JAWS was horrible! Cheesy special effects,atrocious acting,URGH!

Literally, the only remote credability I can see from this movie is Spielberg directing.

Professional move script writers agreed with me that the plot of this movie is very thin, and here’s a perfect example.

Basically, the plot goes round in circles with people (who don’t even qualify as minor characters) getting killed off by a shark while nobody cares… I mean, knows that this is happening. But THEN, later on someone dies in front of everybody. So because they all saw this, nobody goes in the ocean at that beach anymore and the movie ends, right? Well, no. Because this is only about 40-50 minutes in, three idiots begin hunting the shark with a boat, despite the fact that nobody with any semblence of a brain would be swimming near that beach. In other words, not only does the plot make no sense, but THE ENTIRE SECOND HALF OF THIS MOVIE IS FILLER.

By far the worst thing about this is that it is an adaptation of a novel (written by Peter Benchley, if I’m not mistaken). This means that Peter Benchley actually managed to drag out this boring, black-and-white, thinly-plotted storyline, without characters* anyone actually cares about, for several hundred pages. Well, either that of Pter Benchley wrote a GOOD novel and it got turned into this garbage.

* = well, okay, there were about thirty-five minutes in which Chief Brody was non-boring

What can I say. This movie is not only stupid, but also insensitive. Along with the fact that the acting was terrible, and the music was cheesy, I need to add something else. I am, along with being a big cat, hyena, and wolf lover, also a shark lover. Sharks are both cool and beautiful. This piece of trash shows sharks as something they are not-bloodthirsty, sadistic killers who kill for fun and destroy anything they please. Hey, humans. How about the fact that over 1,000,000 sharks died because of humans, but only 100 humans died because of sharks? How about the fact that sharks have difficulties and feelings just like we do? How about the fact that this movie is an attempt to make people hate sharks, when they should be helping them? As far as I’m concerned, anyone who likes this movie is insensitive to the cruelties sharks have had to go through. A message to the director Steven Speilberg-YOU MAKE ME SICK!!!!!!!!!! If it were up to me, every copy of this movie and any other movie meant to make hate to any cool predator would be rocketed into space forever. And I don’t give a (BEEP)that many people liked this movie. They just don’t see what I see. I can’t believe I ever watched this stupid s–t. If you are a shark lover, or an animal lover of any sort, do not see this movie. It is just another way to represent sharks as evil. And Steven Spielberg is a jerk. A very big jerk. Boy, how he makes me PUKE! Anyway, nuff said. Don’t see this work of insensitivity.

Come on. Why do people consider this a classic? Why do people consider this good?

I’ve watched it so many times, trying to find a redeeming quality SOMEWHERE in it, but I just can’t! And it frustrates me how people proclaim it a great movie and a classic, and it’s a terrible movie! Of course, I realize this is just my opinion, and I’m not masquerading it as anything more, but come on, now. Why is it so great? Why is it so suspenseful? I just don’t get it.

At least ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest’ beat it for Best Picture.

Comments

9 Comments so far. Leave a comment below.
  1. McGee,

    At THIS I draw the line. If you criticize Jaws, you have become a personal enemy of mine.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

  2. cathleen,

    favorite movie of all time
    ok a least the top three.
    “we’re goin need a bigger boat”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  3. Cornjob,

    @McGee. I concur! Tell you what, I’ll hold our enemies while you hit them!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 1

  4. Kids these days are just spoiled. They see so many special effects that make anything possible that they have no appreciation for suspense. Alfred Hitchcock could make a great movie out of nothing, but modern (meaning young) audiences don’t appreciate that after they’ve seen Orcs eating Dwarves.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  5. alan smithee,

    If you watch Jaws backwards, it’s a movie about a giant shark who is created in an implosion and keeps throwing up people until they open a beach.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

  6. Mike K,

    I’m guessing that none of those reviewers was around in the 70s when Jaws WAS a scary movie. The definition of “horror movie” has changed. Hitchcock’s style of horror was suspense and anticipation. The audience didn’t need to see the violence; having it implied was well enough. Today’s audience is raised on the “torture-porn” of movies like Saw and Hostel (no need for a plot; that just just wastes time that there could be more gore). 30 years ago those movies would be B-grade drive-in flicks alongside “The Legend of Boggy Creek” and “It’s Alive.”

    P.S. I was a pre-teen when Jaws came out and it scared the shit out of me.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

  7. McGee,

    Jaws is still a scary movie. It’s extremely suspenseful and builds it, and builds it, and builds it, and OH MY GOD WAS THAT A DEAD GUY IN THAT UNDERWATER BOAT!

    And builds it and builds it and builds and HOLY SHIT THAT SHARK CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND HIT THAT LITTLE ANTI-SHARK BOOTH THINGIE!!

    I love the movie.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  8. You know what this means.

    We must kill everyone under the age of 30.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  9. WishyWashy,

    I was about 8 years old when “Jaws” came out. I remember it being so unbelievably huge – the cover of “Time” magazine, spin off books “The Making of Jaws” & “The Jaws Log” – My parents wouldn’t let me see it until I was about 11. (Back then.movies actually came back for re-releases). There was a 6 yr old down the block who saw it and had trouble going to the bathroom because he was afraid a shark was going to come out of the toilet. “Jaws” was major league. I don’t really understand now the “newer” generation doesn’t think very much of it. I still don’t like to swim in the ocean.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0


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