I Get Email

Being a blogger means that you get several of these types of emails a week. Everything in brackets has been redacted so that I can show you guys this without giving this person the free publicity they’re looking for.

Hey Chris-

I wanted to personally invite you to partake in the blogging program surrounding the [x]th anniversary of [You Know Who’s] legendary TV series, [Whoseywhatsit].

Named the #1 television series of all time by the [Unicorns], the [Marquis de Sade] celebrates this comedy classic by releasing the deluxe, special edition DVD box set – [Whoseywhatsit] Remastered. Each episode was painstakingly restored from the original program masters to present this [type of show] in crystal clarity as never seen before. Along with every episode of the series, this must-own DVD box set comes loaded with fresh bonus material including newly recorded commentary from [the Pope], all-new cast interviews, and much more. The [Laser]-disc [BastardShitCock] Remastered will arrive in stores on [a carriage pulled by zebras] for the suggested retail price of $[1 trillion Zimbabwe] and is currently available for pre-order at [probably Amazon. It’s always Amazon] for $[More money than it’s worth].

[Suklah Hoffman] also invites fans everywhere to join the celebration by entering the accompanying costume contest for a chance to win a signed DVD from [Mama Cass] himself and lots of other goodies. We’re still awaiting details, but it will go live sometime this week (most likely [after payday so we can milk everyone for more of their money… suckers]).

If you would like to share this info with Cynical-C readers, please visit our social media release (link below) for extended info and images. Want to be involved even more? Ask me about our giveaway opportunities (US/Canada only; while supplies last).

On behalf of the [Balloon Boy], I do hope you consider being a part of our blogging program to give Cynical-C readers a first-look pass at this special edition [Car Stuck Girls] Remastered DVD box set for the ages!

[A big fat douche]

My response:

Dear Douchie McDouchebag,

I’m not your advertising monkey.


I sell advertising on the blog. Blogads and Google Adsense. Both types are clearly marked as advertising. I get no money, nor have I ever, for any of the 14,058 blog posts that I have done since starting blogging. I have received two gifts from this blog, a shower curtain from someone who made them as a side business and a book from the Museum of Hoaxes and both times there was no agreement that I had to post about them. (I ended up posting about both of them however but with a disclaimer). One of the reasons why I like to think that readers keep coming back to Cynical-C is that for all my faults, I’m at least honest with what I post. The only rule I adhere to when it comes to blogging is that I have to be interested in what I’m blogging about. I think longtime readers know wherein my interests lie and we obviously have a lot of those interests in common for you to keep coming back. Marketers who try to take the trust that I’ve developed through six years of blogging and exploit it for a free plug pisses me off to no end.

And it makes me wonder how many blogs out there will fall for it. Blogging is really annoying me at the moment.


  1. I’m so sorry you get these, and after reading this, I’m feeling really bad that I bothered you about linking me up with another reader of yours in Japan at the time… aiy, I was so desperate, you seemed so home to me. So, now that I’m back in the states and more sane, I truly thank you for taking time out to link me up to someone…I appreciate it, and sorry other losers try to take advantage of you. :-/ your censorship on the above email was hilarious though!! lol

  2. Nanet,

    No need to feel bad about that at all. I have no problem helping a reader in any way I can. I was glad to be of some assistance to you. Or at least attempt to be.

    I don’t consider that anywhere near the same thing as some marketer trying to plug his junk. Hmmm, plug his junk has a really bad ring to it.

  3. So why does this one deserve more than a punch in the “Delete” key? Or, if your email provider is like mine, just mark it as spam and send it back unopened.

  4. …And we appreciate the random behind the scenes look at what you put up with. It helps put into perspective the laughable idiocy and the downright rudeness that gets mashed in yer face when you are merely sharing. Hang in there Chris, Douchebaggery can be conquered! We’re with ya!

  5. Chances are it’s not even personally written for you. It probably is just a form with 3 fields: e-mail, name, and name of blog, and a Send button, and some poor bastard is paid to retrieve that info and click the button.

  6. Yep, I got the same letter. I had to go check the trash bin to make sure. I delete those kinds of things without reading them most of the time. I’m astonished at how many people seem to be making a living by ferreting out free advertising.

  7. If we will see an excessively positive post about a newly released Blue Ray bundle for a famous TV show on any popular blog in the near future, we know who sold out!

  8. Your answer is classic. I hope you really sent that.

    I have no idea how I originally found your site, but I do enjoy it every day. Thanks πŸ™‚

  9. Dear Cynical C,
    I trust you will blog about our worldwide organisation, and show us in a good light….
    As a gesture of our gratitude for your work, we will give you the gift of everlasting life.

    What do you mean you don’t trust us? Dammit, no, you can’t see inside the box.
    Hey? did the other guy make a better offer? we’ll offer you a HARP!

  10. DO NOT let your credibility get the better part of you. I takes a strong person to weather the onslaught of cynical fobs out there who explore every avenue possible to achieve their goal of exploitation.

    For a real life simulation, go to a new car dealership near you~~

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