Dan Brown’s 20 Worst Sentences

I love me a good Dan Brown bashing.

And be sure to read some of the comments. They’re funnier than the article. For example:

Author Dan Brown strode through the brass lobby of a bar and ordered a beer, his eyes white as something white. The bartender had eyes too.
“What’ll it be?” asked the bartender with his mouth. He raised the tone of his voice towards the end of the statement to express that he was asking a question ‘cos when someone speaks to you you can’t see question marks. “What’ll what be?” replied author Dan Brown, answering a question with a question and putting the emphasis on the what part of the reply, showing that the question he just asked is related to the question he was just asked.
The bartender shifted his eyes. A little too shiftily, thought the author (Dan Brown); was it a challenge? Did he recognise me? Was he expecting me? Was I expecting this? Of course I was, I’m Dan Brown. trust no-one Dan. Disassemble him with your brains.

8 Comments

  1. You mean, Dan “every book I write the protagonist get’s woken up in the middle of the night and then is on the run constantly until he’s able to foil the villain(s) plan” Brown? Some people actually read, and take seriously, all of the words? That never even occurred to me.

    Brown is an easy, and many times deserving target. I like reading Dan Brown because I’m a fan of the 300 word chapter. Any book that’s less than 400 pages, but has over 50 chapters is a great read because it really gives you a sense of accomplishment.

    CHAPTER 45: Langdon looked out the window and knew what he must do.

    CHAPTER 46: The albino priest slowly and painfully put on his barbed wire garters for no real apparent reason.

    CHAPTER 47: Some guy named “Danno” knocked over an old lady to buy Dan Browns latest book.

  2. Brown is a truly awful writer. When I first rad the DaVinci Code, I couldn’t help but shake my head in disgusted wonder – how did people think this was literature? It was a rip-off of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, for one thing…and for another, it was really poorly written.

    I can’t read the likes of Michael Crichton or Dan Brown anymore. Crichton was “high class” – when I was in middle school. But now that I’ve read the works of McCarthy, Steinbeck, and the like – Crichton, Dan Brown, those guys are like the Tea Party goofs.

  3. Slacktivist (http://slacktivist.typepad.com/) does a weekly column on the Left Behind series – every Friday he covers 10 or so pages. It might sound excruciating, but it is great! I have been slowing making my way through the archives. I might be more interested than most commenters, because the books starting coming out when I was 11 and I read a few of the first. Even then I noticed some of the things slacktivist points out – the inanity of 10 pages of one character sorting his things in a men’s bathroom stall, or the absolute cruelty of characters supposed to be the heroes (after every child on the planet has disappeared, it seems to have not affected anyone).

  4. couple of things…

    1. I am not sure how Dan Brown related to the “left behind” series other than that his work is also poorly written.

    2. I once worked at a school with an English teacher who professed to be “college friends” with Dan Brown. As this colleague was the most arrogant people I have worked with, I have never read any of Brown’s work. If his friends are whiny boors I don’t want to experience his writing. If you want good conspiracy theory fiction check out Umberto Eco’s “Fucault’s Pendulum”. I have read it 4 times and like it more each time. As I understand Brown’s plots, it is like summarizing Eco with less interesting characters and more melodramatic stunts.

  5. You know I’ll read the Dan Brown books when i want something I don’t have to think about. It’s fluff. Really. Fluff with some religious crap thrown in, but Fluff. Someone lent me a copy of “Deception Point” and after reading about 50 pages I guessed the ending, skipped forward and found I had nailed in one. And I can’t figure out Agatha Christies!

    What horrifies me is how people cannot tell the difference between bad writing and and good writing – if it’s controversial they’ll go for it but aren’t bothered by the crappy writing! Dan Brown really does not deserve anything more than “You are now the new Romance writer of the decade!”

    Heinlein, Herbert, Tolkein, Stephen King, McCaffrey are all FAR better writers, but because of their genre they don’t get the credit a two-bit hack gets because he took on the Church!! Arrrrrghhhhh!!!!

  6. Jason, I think Brown is more like the Diabolicals than a cut-price Eco. He’s be a perfect candidate author for Manutius, except his books sell.

  7. Brown, Rowling, Meyer – it all makes my eyes bleed and brain implode.

    I regularly get torn to bits for being a lone voice in the hurricane against JK Rowling.

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