Sports Column FAIL

A sports writer takes a look at what Jaycee Dugard missed in sports while she was busy being kidnapped and raped for the past 18 years:

It doesn’t sound as if Jaycee Dugard got to see a sports page.

Box scores were not available to her from June 10, 1991 until Aug. 31 of this year.

She never saw a highlight. Never got to the ballpark for Beach Towel Night. Probably hasn’t high-fived in a while.

She was not allowed to spike a volleyball. Or pitch a softball. Or smack a forehand down the line. Or run in a 5-footer for double bogey.

Now, that’s deprivation.

Can you imagine? Dugard was 11 when she was kidnapped and stashed in Phillip Garrido’s backyard. She was 29 when she escaped. Penitentiary inmates at least get an hour of TV a day. Dugard was cut off from everything but the elements.

How long before she fully digests the world she re-enters? How difficult to adjust to such cataclysmic change?

More than that, who’s going to explain the fact that there’s a President Obama?

Dugard’s stepfather says she’s going to need a lot of therapy — you think? — so perhaps she should take a respite before confronting the new realities.

So, Jaycee, whenever you’re ready, here’s what you’ve missed:

17 Comments

  1. See? I told you that some people have no sense of humor…
    This sports guy has such a narrow outlook on life that all he thinks about is sports. It doesn’t matter if it’s a girl held in captivity or whatever, he relates it to the most important thing in his world…sports. It’s ironic(a form of humor).

  2. Bullshit, bigjohn. Some things just aren’t funny. A little girl getting kidnapped, raped repeatedly, and held prisoner for over a decade (not “or whatever”), is at the top of any decent human being’s “Shit That Ain’t Funny” list.

    It may be an attempt at humor, but if my failure to find something funny about it is your signal that I lack a “sense of humor,” then there is something broken in you in the exact same place as the tool who wrote this column.

  3. To be perfectly honest, I find it hilarious in a sick kind of way. The same horrible way that had me cracking jokes and laughing all the way through the discovery documentary about the family with 6 kids that were all autistic. Had he passed this around to people at the office it would have been that same sick kind of humor. But to print it and know that someone close to her would probably hear about it was an exercise in sheer stupidity. Funny guy, bad judgement, terrible editor.

  4. This sports guy has such a narrow outlook on life that all he thinks about is sports. It doesn’t matter if it’s a girl held in captivity or whatever, he relates it to the most important thing in his world…sports. It’s ironic(a form of humor).

    Actually, bigjohn might have a point. The attempt at humour (if any) isn’t funny; the columnist’s narrow-minded insensitivity, however, is.

  5. I also think bigjohn has a point. In that columnist’s little world, sports are more important than the girl or anything else.

    If he was attempting to be funny, it was utter failure. A cynic will not laugh with his joke, but certainly laugh AT it.

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