Penis enlargers and egg cookers, that’s who. Yesterday we tallied up the advertisersâ€”including Geico and Proctor and Gambleâ€”who have fled the unhinged crybaby’s show. Today, we take a look at the cable-news dregs who remain.
Yesterday’s broadcast of Beck’s show was guest-hosted by Andrew Napolitano. There were 13 paid spots totaling 15 minutes. We’re not saying to boycott these companies or anythingâ€”how can you enlarge your penis without patronizing the good people at Extenze? Just thought it would be fun to see who Beck is shilling for now that the high-class clients have left the building.
From a news source:
WASHINGTONâ€”After months of committee meetings and hundreds of hours of heated debate, the United States Congress remained deadlocked this week over the best possible way to deny Americans health care.
“Both parties understand that the current system is broken,” House Speaker Nancy Pelosi told reporters Monday. “But what we can’t seem to agree upon is how to best keep it broken, while still ensuring that no elected official takes any political risk whatsoever. Itâ€™s a very complicated issue.”
“Ultimately, though, it’s our responsibility as lawmakers to put these differences aside and focus on refusing Americans the health care they deserve,” Pelosi added.
The legislative stalemate largely stems from competing ideologies deeply rooted along party lines. Democrats want to create a government-run system for not providing health care, while Republicans say coverage is best denied by allowing private insurers to make it unaffordable for as many citizens as possible.
“We have over 40 million people without insurance in this country today, and that is unacceptable,” Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) said. “If we would just quit squabbling so much, we could get that number up to 50 or even 100 million. Why, there’s no reason we can’t work together to deny health care to everyone but the richest 1 percent of the population.”
Fried clams. One of the luxuries of living close to Cape Cod is that deep fried heaven in bivalve form is only a short car ride away. And clam strips don’t count. People who go into a clam shack on the Cape and order clam strips over bellies should be handcuffed, blindfolded, and driven to a Long John Silver’s somewhere in the midwest.
The clam shacks that are a cut above the others will always throw a few onion rings on top and have homemade tartar sauce. If you’re really lucky, a fried scallop or two may find your way on the plate.
I liked the dining room table one a bit better but this still cracked me up.
Sure, he’s cute, but the flaws in his design are obvious the first time he approaches anything but the shallowest of stairs. Also: He has jets, a periscope, a taser and oil canisters to make enforcer droids fall about in slapsticky fashion — and no voice synthesizer. Imagine that design conversation: “Yes, we can afford slapstick oil and tasers, but we’ll never get a 30-cent voice chip past accounting. That’s just madness.”
Can’t fully extend his arms; has a bunch of exposed wiring in his abs; walks and runs as if he has the droid equivalent of arthritis. And you say, well, he was put together by an eight-year-old. Yes, but a trip to the nearest Radio Shack would fix that. Also, I’m still waiting to hear the rationale for making a protocol droid a shrieking coward, aside from George Lucas rummaging through a box of offensive stereotypes (which he’d later return to while building Jar-Jar Binks) and picking out the “mincing gay man” module.