Probably NSFW unless your boss doesn’t mind a Christian defining “fisting”.
(via Everything is Terrible)
From Mah Two Cents:
They were selling high and buying low? And they got away rich? Gah-huh?
Like I said, I thought that, too. Okay, as explained to me and I figured out: Dan Ackroyd and Eddie Murphy wanted to get back at the Duke Brothers (Don Amechie and Ralph Bellamy) for making them trade places. They learned they were getting the orange futures from an industrial spy (Paul Gleason, you know, that prick teacher from Breakfast Club) So they intercept the report that says the frost won’t affect the orange crop and give the Dukes a fake saying the opposite, I assume. As explained to me, in the futures market you can buy shares from the exchange (and I assume on margin, or a fraction of the cost, with the full amount called in certain circumstances as we’ll get to later. And key to this transaction, at the end of the day, they have to give back the options to get their money paid for same.) So our heroes take Ophelia’s and the butler’s money, get all the shares they can, and are ready. Our heroes sell their futures at around 29, then the report comes on saying the orange futures aren’t affected by the frost, and buy back around 131. The Dukes realize what’s going on, but too late to take action, their margins are called and told their seats would be taken if they couldn’t pay. As pointed out to me in that explanation, that’s probably why all 4 of our heroes took off to the Caribbean to escape the inquiry that would most certainly rise as a result.
From our shoe-dodging preznit:
“I’ve abandoned free-market principles to save the free-market system,”
From Yahoo! News:
EASTON, Pa. â€“ The father of 3-year-old Adolf Hitler Campbell, denied a birthday cake with the child’s full name on it by one New Jersey supermarket, is asking for a little tolerance. Heath Campbell and his wife, Deborah, are upset not only with the decision made by the Greenwich ShopRite, but with an outpouring of angry Internet postings in response to a local newspaper article over the weekend on their flare-up over frosting.
“I think people need to take their heads out of the cloud they’ve been in and start focusing on the future and not on the past,” Heath Campbell said Tuesday in an interview conducted in Easton, on the other side of the Delaware River from where the family lives in Hunterdon County, N.J.
“There’s a new president and he says it’s time for a change; well, then it’s time for a change,” the 35-year-old continued. “They need to accept a name. A name’s a name. The kid isn’t going to grow up and do what (Hitler) did.”
Deborah Campbell, 25, said she phoned in her order last week to the ShopRite. When she told the bakery department she wanted her son’s name spelled out, she was told to talk to a supervisor, who denied the request.
Karen Meleta, a spokeswoman for ShopRite, said the Campbells had similar requests denied at the same store the last two years and said Heath Campbell previously had asked for a swastika to be included in the decoration.
I wonder what they named their other children:
The Campbells’ other two children also have unusual names: JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell turns 2 in a few months and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell will be 1 in April.
From Guitar World:
In a rare moment of pure spite and malice, Guitar World asked several contributors to identify those instances when our greatest guitar heroes took their biggest pratfalls. And, boy, rarely have we seen our writers take to an assignment with greater gusto. It seems that nothing gets a journalistâ€™s creative juices flowing like asking them to spill a big bucket of bile on a beloved icon. While our writers tended to save most of their venom for undeniably cruddy and inept solos, some had fun throwing darts at performances that were technically adept but which they deemed boring, self-indulgent or just plain absurd. Another favorite pastime was picking on anything remotely involving the talents of Poisonâ€™s C.C. DeVille.
Who is your favorite character from The Simpsons? (And you can only choose one)
I’m going to say Mr. Burns. Why? “Release the hounds.” And any character who can be introduced by using the Imperial March theme wins my heart.