Get Cynical

All the orthodox churches are obstructions on the highway of
progress. Every orthodox creed is a chain, a dungeon. Every
believer in the “inspired book” is a slave who drives reason from
her throne, and in her stead crowns fear.

Robert Green Ingersoll – “Superstition” (1898)

Have a good Thanksgiving everybody. I’m closing up shop for a few days but I leave you with some words from the Great Infidel:

A Humanist Thanksgiving Proclamation

by Robert Green Ingersoll

When I became convinced that the universe is natural–that all the ghosts and gods are myths, there entered into my brain, into my soul, into every drop of my blood, the sense, the feeling, the joy of freedom.

The walls of my prison crumbled and fell, the dungeon was flooded with light and all the bolts and bars and manacles became dust. I was no longer a servant, a serf or a slave. There was for me no master in all the world–not even infinite space.

I was free–free to think, to express my thoughts–free to live my own ideal–free to live for myself and those I loved–free to use all my faculties, all my senses, free to spread imagination’s wings–free to investigate, to guess and dream and hope–free to judge and determine for myself–free to reject all ignorant and cruel creeds, all the “inspired” books that savages have produced, and all the barbarous legends of the past–free from popes and priests, free from all the “called” and “set apart”–free from sanctified mistakes and “holy” lies–free from the winged monsters of the night–free from devils, ghosts and gods.

For the first time I was free. There were no prohibited places in all the realms of thought–no air, no space, where fancy could not spread her painted wings–no claims for my limbs–no lashes for my back–no fires for my flesh–no following another’s steps–no need to bow, or cringe, or crawl, or utter lying words. I was free. I stood erect and fearlessly, joyously, faced all worlds.

And then my heart was filled with gratitude, with thankfulness, and went out in love to all the heroes, the thinkers, who gave their lives for the liberty of hand and brain–for the freedom of labor and thought–to those who fell on the fierce fields of war, to those who died in dungeons bound with chains–to those who proudly mounted scaffold’s stairs–to those by fire consumed–to all the wise, the good, the brave of every land, whose thoughts and deeds have given freedom to the sons and daughters of men and women. And then I vowed to grasp the torch that they have held, and hold it high, that light may conquer darkness still.

M. Night Shyamalan has two movies in this list so you know it’s accurate.

In honor of the Thanksgiving holiday that nears, it seemed only fitting that our minds turned to those films for which we are most unexpectedly grateful, those flops and duds, those bombs and turkeys rife with unintentional humor and renewed entertainment values. Now, we’ve pretty much stuck with the past decade or so with our picks; anything before that has either been done right by MST3K or is probably titled Showgirls.

With that said, please enjoy this Cinematical Seven responsibly, and do feel free to contribute your own personal favorite howlers of late in the comments below…

As Christians have changed their God, so they have accordingly
changed their Bible. The impossible and absurd, the cruel and the
infamous, have been mostly thrown aside, and thousands are now
engaged in trying to save the inspired word. Of course, the
orthodox still cling to every word, and still insist that every
line is true. They are literalists. To them the Bible means exactly
what it says. They want no explanation. They care nothing for
commentators. Contradictions cannot disturb the faith. They deny
that any contradictions exist. They loyally stand by the sacred
text, and they give it the narrowest possible interpretation.

Robert Green Ingersoll – “Superstition” (1898)

From BibliOdyssey.

Shame about the music though.

My day has been the exact opposite of this guy’s.

Our God was made by men, sculptured by savages who did the
best they could. They made our God somewhat like themselves, and
gave to him their passions, their ideas of right and wrong.

As man advanced he slowly changed his God — took a little
ferocity from his heart, and put the light of kindness in his eyes.
As man progressed he obtained a wider view, extended the
intellectual horizon and again he changed his God, making him as
nearly perfect as he could, and yet this God was patterned after
those who made him. As man became civilized, as he became merciful,
he began to love justice, and as his mind expanded his ideal became
purer, nobler, and so his God became more merciful, more loving.

In our day Jehovah has been outgrown. He is no longer the
perfect. Now theologians talk, not about Jehovah, but about a God
of love, call him the Eternal father and the perpetual friend and
providence of man. But, while they talk about this God of love,
cyclones wreck and rend, the earthquake devours, the flood
destroys, the red bolt leaping from the cloud still crashes the
life out of men, and plague and fever still are tireless reapers in
the harvest fields of death.

They tell us now that all is good; that evil is but blessing
in disguise, that pain makes strong and virtuous men — makes
character — while pleasure enfeebles and degrades. If this be so,
the souls in hell should grow to greatness, while those in heaven
should shrink and shrivel.

Robert Green Ingersoll – “Superstition” (1898)

And Ben Stein (along with a ton of other people in this clip) were so very, very wrong.
(Thanks Nick)

This is a damn sweet deal.

Thanks to the generosity of an anonymous donor, $20 tickets are available now through the remainder of the BSO season for patrons under 40 years of age. Tickets are available on a first-come, first-served basis on both the orchestra and balcony levels. You may purchase one pair of tickets per performance but choose as many dates as you like!

We went to the BSO this past Saturday and saw the Elgar Cello Concerto but the deal wasn’t available until after I had bought the tickets.