1. This is a bit difficult to explain, but it was a multicolored ceramic fish tealight candle holder. The candle sat inside, and swiss cheeselike holes allowed the light to radiate out of the fish.

  2. My brother once gave me a similar gift to your elastic ball, except this one was made from stolen wristbands (the perspiration absorbing kind) from a local gym.

  3. A large, plastic nativity scene ornament my mother-in-law picked up from the dollar store. (She often brags about the “great” things she finds there, this being on of them)

    It had a huge crack and a piece missing, and it wasn’t wrapped, so, it was *very* obvious it was broken.

    I’ve told her I’m not religious, but, then again, she’s told me she’s sane.

  4. My mom’s friend is a notoriously cheap yet wealthy woman – every year we look forward to her gifts with anticipation and dread. Among my favorites:

    Annual color copy of a card she bought probably 15 years ago,

    one pair of socks for my mom and I to share (we live in different states),

    and the best – a hairdryer holster that hooks in to the wall that she got for free when she bought her hairdryer that is specific to her model.

    These are only a few, it’s been happening since the 1980’s.

  5. Dead bird when i was a kid.

    it was proabably the greatest gift of my childhood, but after a while it started to smell up the place.

    i think the apple slicer my sister got was worse, however.

  6. An old, mouldy, sand coloured suit with really conspicuous, dark stainst, which was given to me for my birthday by a friend, who had found it in the attic of an old house he had just bought. I remember how just touching it gave me an immediate and recurrent urge to wash my hands. Still, by the time my birthday party ended, some twelve hours later, every male in the room had worn it at least once.

    Please excuse me while I go take a shower.

  7. My grandmother gave me a pair of sandals (flip flops) that were dirty, clearly used and broken. She informed me that if I didn’t want them, she’d be happy to take them back.

  8. My mom gave me a patchwork button-up longsleeve shirt. It had paisley and velour patch 4×4 squares. I felt like the world’s best-dressed hobo the one time I wore it.

  9. I have a tendancy to recieve food…

    Christmas: a tub of margarine (asked for it though)

    Birthday: a watermelon (I gave a kumquat and avocado back, when it was the sender’s birthday, to make it even)

    Valentine’s day: a potato (i really have to choose my boyfriends more carefully)

    I also got a plastic lawn ornament in the shape of a pink flamingo (spinning wings and all), and children’s books (I’m an adult with no kids) for my birthday

  10. For my birthday I received in one gift:
    paperclips, KY jelly, an apple, rubberbands, Tums for PMS, rubbergloves, plastic wrap, condoms, a toothbrush and a Ladies Home Journal…..all in a bucket.

    The card read:
    “Your gift is the visual of us purchasing these items and imagining what the check-out girl must have thought”

    Taped to the inside of the card was the receipt.
    Best. Gift. Ever.

  11. I’ve never laughed so hard at my cubicle. These are hilarious! The most unusual gift I ever received was a poem on a napkin from a girl who dressed in black and considered herself very deep. I was in middle school, and this was at a party. She signed her work with a name she invented that stood for a mythical Cyote-Wolf hybrid.

  12. Duct tape,for some unknown reason my grown kids have been giving me tape for Xmas,birthday,dads day for the last few years.Glad it comes in many colors now.

  13. Spekatie: I have one of those, and I love it! In fact, I have 2 flamingoes, that go between my backyard and 2 friends places. We “re-home” The Charlies (as the birds are called) in the dead of night at random times, and record how long it takes for them to notice they’ve got them back. I’m threatening to put them on my friends roof the next time 😉

    From a secret santa, I got a “water snake” – a plastic roll filled with water that you run between your hands. I thought it was relaxing (like a tension ball), until I saw photos of me playing with it, and realized how phallic it was! ARGH!

  14. A box of cous cous and a half opened box of paper doilies from my well-off step mother in law.

    Birthday cous cous! A lot of thought was put into that one, the thought being, Look how much we saved by rummaging through the pantry for gifts!

  15. A pet Fly, years ago my brother showed me the trick of putting a fly, or bee into the freezer for a minute or so and then carefully tying a piece of sting to it. I named him buzz and he met his unfortunate end after i pulled a little too enthusiastically on the string.

  16. I got a commodore Vic 20 computer as a birthday present (8 bit with a 5K memory). WAIT that was the GOOD present I loved playing 15 slightly different versions of Space Invaders and Blitz…. I loved Blitz.

    Next BIRTHDAY:
    I got a 16K expansion pack! I seriously believe the suckiest presents are the ones you have the most anticipation for. That 16K expansion pack cost £70-100 back in the early 80s I was expecting to blow my pre-pubescent wad when I switched that baby on for the first time!

    Unfortunately it just allowed me to play 5 crappy versions of Donkey Kong or pink blob must escape green blob type of game.

    My god I had to force a smile on my face for months not to break my parent’s hearts.

  17. I got a big box of grannie undies, all in white. The look of horror I had on my 11 year old face. Gotta love Grandmas!

  18. For Christmas, my aunt and uncle gave me ketchup that had expired two years earlier. It was part of a Jack Daniels condiment basket that had obviously been regifted.

  19. have 2-

    for xmas one year my brother says, as I’m opening the box “Mom said you needed stuff for your kitchen”. i look out of the side of my eye at my mom and she’s looking at him like he’s batshit crazy. open the box… a set of ceramic jars with the rubber gasket thingies, and a small fry daddy.

    other one.. houseparty I had, someone gave me a ceramic serving dish, garishly colored, in the shape of a pig wearing a hula skirt. could be the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. i still have it sitting on a shelf eagerly awaiting re-gifting to a person i deem fitting.

  20. A year’s subscription to Playboy when I turned 16 from my father, who was hoping I wouldn’t turn out to be gay.

    Didn’t work.

  21. and as far as my contribution….

    my mom religiously wraps packages of new underwear and socks for me on christmas every year to make it look like i got more presents than i did. i actually look forward to this ritual because i’ve grown accustomed to never buying underwear or socks.

  22. For my 18th birthday my boyfriend gave me a package of clothes pins he got at CVS on his way to my house. The next day he surprised me with Akira on VHS. :3

  23. I got a newborn baby t-shirt for my Bridal Shower.
    The person who gave it to me thought it was a Baby Shower.

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