Get Cynical

The good folks at Shakesville provide a running commentary for the greatest “it could happen” movie of all time… Red Dawn.

2:45: Patrick Swayze drops off brother Charlie Sheen and friend Arturo at high school.

4:30: Russians invade, begin takeover of vitally important geo-political town of Calumet.

5:25 – 6:45: Communist Bastards murder affable history teacher. Begin radical communist plan of winning U.S. hearts and minds by slaughtering high school students.

6:46: Patrick Swayze and pickup truck rescue brother Charlie Sheen and friends including C. Thomas Howell at high school.

6:58 – 7:06: NRA members see their worst nightmare come true as the owner of a truck with the bumper sticker “You can take my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead hands” on it lies dead on the road. A Communist Bastard comes by and pries the gun from his cold, dead hand.

7:50: While escaping from town in their truck, Swayze and crew drive past Arturo’s father. Roughly 75 Communist Bastards attack Arturo’s dad simultaneously. Arturo is bummed.

8:00 – 9:00 C. Thomas Howell’s 80-year-old dad runs a roadside gas station that doubles as an armory. Swayze and crew load up and escape to the hills, stopping once so Swayze can shame the youngest of them into pissing into the radiator.

Said with a straight face:

“Bullying and intimidation are not acceptable ways to conduct foreign policy in the 21st century.” – George W. Bush

Update:

And the other half of the Ironic Duo conveniently forgets about the last 8 years:

“My friends, we have reached a crisis, the first probably serious crisis internationally since the end of the Cold War. This is an act of aggression.” – John McCain

From designboom which is much too cool of a site to use grammatical conventions such as capitalization.

in 1978 former high school teacher, geral fauss came up
with the #1 foam hand, since then it has become a universal
symbol for the phrase ‘we’re number one’ and is among the
most popular pieces of US sports merchandising.

(via Matt Adams)

I had a bad feeling about this:

The ossification of “Star Wars” continues with “Star Wars: The Clone Wars,” an animated sub-chapter (appendix? owner’s manual?) of George Lucas’s cynically plundered saga. This one shucks off all pretense that “Star Wars” has a wonderfully universal appeal and instead unfolds with all the entertainment value of watching somebody else play a video game.

Lucas fulfills his lifelong dream of completely dehumanizing his space opera, replacing it with a digitally animated style that is somewhere between cartoons, Christmas specials and panoramic paintings on the side of a van. One thing is definitely intact from the most recent prequel episodes: From the first frame, all but the learned geeks in the audience won’t know what the heck is going on. Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker (celebrity voices impersonated) are in the midst of the legendary and pointless Clone Wars, the battles of which seem to transpire on either Planet Marriott Airport or Planet Phallic Symbol.

(Some pictures are very graphic)
The pictures are from here but here is what one Redditor’s translation:

Presenting to your attention Arkady’s report from the war zone. Reminder that he went from Valdikavkaz to Djava and then to Tsivanhal. Was part of of assault on Zemo-Nikozi, then went with the batallion West towards Gori and while towards there came back on the helicopter with the wounded.

Short notes from Arkadi’s 4 days of war can be read at the link: http://www.navoine.ru/forum/viewtopic.php?t=111 [I ain't translating that]

Right now we are displaying only the photos, in the September issue of Almanack “Art of War” will come out the entire material of Arkadi. Right now ask questions on the alamanack forum.

Big request, when you display them on the net, note that its not only the work of Arkadi Babchenko but they also belong to Almanack “Art of War” (http://www.navoine.ru). You’ll do a good job if more people find out about our Veteran submitted work.

We were thinking, should we display all photos, and decided no exception. Here you’ll see the war, exactly as it is.

(via PoeTV)

Gawker has the video.

I believe the time will come when men will refuse to fill the
future with consumption and insanity. Yes, we shall study
ourselves. We shall understand the conditions of health and then we
shall say: We are under obligation to put the flags of health in
the cheeks of our children.

Even if I should get to heaven and have a harp, I know that I
could not bear to see my descendants still on the earth, diseased,
deformed, crazed — all suffering the penalties of my ignorance.
Let us have more science and more sentiment — more knowledge and
more conscience — more liberty and more love.

Robert Green Ingersoll – “Science and Sentiment”