Bush: ‘Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over’

A prophetic Onion piece from 2001:

“My fellow Americans,” Bush said, “at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us.”

Bush swore to do “everything in [his] power” to undo the damage wrought by Clinton’s two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.

During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.

“You better believe we’re going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration,” said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. “Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?”

On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further.

Wall Street responded strongly to the Bush speech, with the Dow Jones industrial fluctuating wildly before closing at an 18-month low. The NASDAQ composite index, rattled by a gloomy outlook for tech stocks in 2001, also fell sharply, losing 4.4 percent of its total value between 3 p.m. and the closing bell.

Asked for comment about the cooling technology sector, Bush said: “That’s hardly my area of expertise.”

Turning to the subject of the environment, Bush said he will do whatever it takes to undo the tremendous damage not done by the Clinton Administration to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. He assured citizens that he will follow through on his campaign promise to open the 1.5 million acre refuge’s coastal plain to oil drilling. As a sign of his commitment to bringing about a change in the environment, he pointed to his choice of Gale Norton for Secretary of the Interior. Norton, Bush noted, has “extensive experience” fighting environmental causes, working as a lobbyist for lead-paint manufacturers and as an attorney for loggers and miners, in addition to suing the EPA to overturn clean-air standards.

The Letter in the Pond

From That Canadian Girl:

Recently, a friend of ours, Simon, moved to Over, just North of Cambridge, UK. He was moving to a lovely property, with a nice garden and a pond.

Simon wasn’t so keen on the pond though. It’s not very child friendly, and with two young ones running around the garden, he thought it would be safer to get rid of it.

A few buckets and hours of sweating later, Simon lifted the pond lining to discover a laminated piece of paper sitting at the bottom of the gaping hole that once was the previous owner’s pond.

Fox News Still Bringing the Stupid

And this is just the beginning:

Teasing a segment on the “gesture everyone seems to interpret differently,” Fox News’ E.D. Hill said: “A fist bump? A pound? A terrorist fist jab? … We’ll show you some interesting body communication and find out what it really says.” In the ensuing discussion with a “body language expert,” Hill referred to the “Michelle and Barack Obama fist bump or fist pound,” but at no point did she explain her earlier reference to “a terrorist fist jab.”

Update:

Of course, Fox News doesn’t have a monopoly on stupidity.

I love the idea of a racist mullato being president. History has shown repeatedly, when Whites set up new countries and then give the control to the blacks, or any non-White race, it will soon collapse into another third world catastrophe. This is exactly what this ‘politically correct’ country needs so people will wake up. I hope OBAMA throws hip hop concerts on the White house lawn! (“heathengrafix”)

Obama’s wife is so ghetto!!! Our country will be in big trouble if he is elected!!! A video will be coming out of her telling “whitey to die”. Meaning white people! Higher taxes!!! Barack Hussein Obama??? A Muslim president??? We are fighting Muslim’s in Iraq for goodness sake!!! Come on people! (“Mark”)

THE NEXT THING WILL BE A BACKWARD BASEBALL HAT WITH USA FACING TO THE REAR. WILL THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER SOON BE A RAP SONG. (“CDM”)

Video of the B2 Stealth Bomber Crash

From the Air Force Times:

The most expensive crash in Air Force history — the $1.4 billion loss of a B-2 Spirit bomber Feb. 23 — was caused by water clogging aircraft sensors, according to an Air Combat Command report issued Thursday.

Moisture in three of the 24 sensors that feed information into the bomber’s computer system caused the sensors to send bad information about the plane’s speed and altitude, and how far up or down the bomber’s nose was pointed.

As the jet took off from Andersen Air Force Base, Guam, the onboard computer thought the B-2 was pointed downward, causing the nose to jerk suddenly upward.

The two pilots couldn’t regain control of the bomber and as the left wing struck the runway, the pilots safely ejected.

(via Appletree)

How Karl Rove Played Politics While People Drowned

From Salon:

Instead of supplying relief to the city, Rove had devised a scheme whereby he could blame the failure of government to take action on someone besides Bush. “They looked around,” Landrieu says, “and they found a Democratic governor and an African American Democratic mayor who had never held office before in his life before he was mayor of New Orleans — someone they knew they could manipulate. Ray Nagin had never held public office and here he was the mayor of New Orleans and it was going underwater.”

In short, Rove was going to blame Blanco for the failure of the response in Louisiana, and to do that he was going to use Nagin. He had already set the plan in motion on Tuesday with Nagin, who, even though he was a Democrat, was so close to the Republican Party that some members of the African American community in New Orleans called him “Ray Reagan.” In 2000, Nagin had actually contributed $2,000 to Bush’s campaign when he ran for president.

Rove knew of Nagin’s ties to the Republican Party, so more than likely Nagin could be convinced to level his criticism at Blanco and to support Bush when he could. Here was Rove’s strategy: Praise Haley Barbour, the Republican governor of Mississippi; praise Michael Brown and FEMA; blame Blanco, the Democrat. It was not a stretch for Nagin. He and Blanco so disliked each other that in Blanco’s last race Nagin had endorsed her opponent.