More Indiana Jones Film Reviews

Here are some more reviews of the trainwreck (trainwreck effect brought to you by ILM!) that is Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skulls from various blogs.

Melissa from Shakesville: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of WTF?

Okay, I can’t even begin to estimate how many times I’ve watched the Indy films, nor do I believe I can properly convey how much this newest film had my vote to lose. I was excited as hell about it; I wanted to like it; I expected to like it; I was seeing it with Iain, who was as excited and determined to like it, and certain he would, as I was. We were eager and invested and ready to cheer.

And then came the opening scene featuring an anthropomorphized prairie dog, and my heart just sank. Oh no.

Abbi from Curly Comedy: The Kingdom of the Crystal Skunk:

Cate Blanchett stars as Emo Phillip’s sister and dons the world’s most unflattering jump suit (redundant). Oh, an Iowa gas station attendant just called and told me high waists and flat butts are back in. I would praise the editing except two-thirds of the film is old footage from other movies, including George of the Jungle, Back to the Future, The Mummy, and Signs. On the bright side it’s good to see the monkeys from Jumanji getting work again.*

La piece de resistance is the ending that is so baffling, I refuse to talk about it until more people have been as foolish as I was and spend their time on the film. Kind of when you slip on ice, and then you stand around to see if anyone else will crack their butt on it too. On second thought, allow me to be the overly concerned New Yorker warning you about water on a subway seat.

Jason Bellamy from The Cooler:

Congratulations, Temple Of Doom! You’re no longer the black sheep of the Indiana Jones saga. Now that dishonor belongs to Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, which is the cinematic equivalent of a deadbeat illegitimate child – resting on the laurels of its parentage while only barely resembling its ancestors. The key players from Indiana Jones’ glory years are all here – Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, Harrison Ford and John Williams – but the spirit is all gone. Not quite 30 years since Raiders Of The Lost Ark swung in on a whip and helped create the boilerplate for the modern action movie, while paying homage to adventure serials of the 1930s and 40s, this final (please, lord) Indiana Jones movie finds the frenzy that has defined the series but not the thrills. Its sins are many, but the biggest one is this: it’s a drag.

Daily Dose of Ingersoll

RobertGIngersoll.jpg

The first great step towards progress, is, for man to cease to be the slave of man; the second, to cease to be the slave of the monsters of his own creation — of the ghosts and phantoms of the air.

For ages the human race was imprisoned. Through the bars and grates came a few struggling rays of light. Against these grates and bars Science pressed its pale and thoughtful face, wooed by the holy dawn of human advancement.

Men found that the real was the useful; that what a man knows is better than what a ghost says; that an event is more valuable than a prophecy. They found that diseases were not produced by spirits, and could not be cured by frightening them away. They found that death was as natural as life. They began to study the anatomy and chemistry of the human body, and found that all was natural and within the domain of law.

The conjurer and sorcerer were discarded, and the physician and surgeon employed. They found that the earth was not flat; that the stars were not mere specks. They found that being born under a particular planet had nothing to do with the fortunes of men.

The astrologer was discharged and the astronomer took his place.

Robert Green Ingersoll – “The Ghosts” (1877)