The Harvard Square Spitting Granny

I volunteered to come into work on the day after Christmas because it’s relatively quiet and I can get a lot of things done since I’ll be alone in the office. So I get to my office building this morning and there is a frail little old woman impeccably dressed dragging a suitcase behind her. I, being a courtly gentleman, start reaching for the door to let her inside when she suddenly hawks a loogey and spits it at the glass door. She takes no notice of me as I leap backwards to avoid her phlegmy attack and proceeds to spew forth with a flurry of expectorate directed at the glass door of my building. I’m in a state of shock as this mucus filled granny decorates the glass with spatters of green tinted spit that slowly drools down the door.

My mind attempts to calculate the proper response to a bust of elderly phlegm being hurled forth towards my door but I can think of none and decide that it’s a nice day for a walk around the block. I came back a few minutes later and although she was gone, her slobber wasn’t which made my usual entrance a bit difficult.

Obviously she is an active combatant in the War on Boxing Day.